I am the Very Proud owner of a Daniel Franco t-shirt.

Don't hate me because I'm fabulous.



Or not.

I watched my two shows last night, and what a snooze fest THAT was.

First of all, the ANTM "Where Are They Now?" proved to me that even the most successful of the also-rans were eminently forgettable. I saw Yaya's Radio Shack ad at Christmas time, and didn't recognize her, but found the ad and that character annoying. Hmmmm. Maybe I recognized her on a cellular level?

Ann in black hair? Ick. Yoanna's too-short bangs? Also ick. Tocarra? Still cool. Kim? Still annoying. Lisa? Still fabulous.
Then we moved over to the penultimate Project Runway episode, and, ugh. All Santino, all the time, all redemption arc. I don't want that useless egomaniac redeemed, I want him to suffer for his hubris. Still, despite all Santino's protestations of really being a nice guy, and learning not to talk trash, and how he's just a scared, insecure little gay boy underneath all his bullying, there he was, thirty minutes later, talking shit about Dan and Chloe. (Her collection looked like a sofa... if Dan couldn't see what was wrong with his clothes, there was something wrong with Dan...)

I'm hoping that Tim's underwhelmed-ness regarding Daniel was merely a ploy to throw us off the scent of his winning, and not a big ass sign that Satano is going to go home with the gold. That would just be awful.

The final challenge of having to make one last piece seemed to be a cruel ploy to crush all of the designers souls, once and for all. And what was up with having to choose a dogsbody to work with out of the discarded designers? And why Diana?

I was thrilled to see Daniel snatch Nick away from Santino. (Again with the eye-rolling, Santino. Enough, already.) Tell me that he didn't choose Nick exactly for that reason: just so Santino couldn't. But I think that someone (ahem, Chloe) should have used Daniel Franco's tailoring skills.

Another question: did this happen before or after the taping of the reunion show? Why did they all diss Kara? And since Kara was the decoy, did she have to make a 13th garment, too?

BTW, I totally agreed with Tim about the "shop class" quality of Daniel V's purse handles. Yet another ick.

Still, all things being equal, I loved Daniel's collection (except for those wonky little tab thingies in the middle of the chests... which I suppose are his military details... whatever.) Santino's one starburst-pleated dress was beautiful (and no, my tongue did not shrivel up when I said that). And the comment that Chloe's line was very Balenciaga made me hate those enormo-sleeves just a little bit less.

So. Who will win? I'm still hoping for Daniel V, but getting worried that it may be Santino after all.

Ick.

I have written a summary of the Project Runway Reunion Show twice. The first time the window crashed after about five paragraphs. It just crashed again after I had discoursed on everyone but the final three.

Fuck it. Let's make it short and sweet. Trust me when I say this was a lot funnier in long form.

Lupe was out of control on some kind of heavy drugs. I have a rule that I live by, and that is this: There are two types of drugs in the world. The first treat or cure diseases. The second are for recreational use. Never mix up the two. Lupe clearly did that and then some. Intervention required.

Zulema has an alter-ego? Puh-leeze. That's for comic books and Disassociative Personality Disorder. And frankly, Tshangi was a bitch and a ho, and in no way discernable from Zulema.

Santino is a big asshat. He's always been an overbearing, abusive, bullying asshat, and he always will be. Like most bullies, he's also a coward, refusing to own up to his behaviour. Furthermore, he is a talentless blow hard and I find it hard to believe that anyone, male or female has sex with him willingly.

Daniel Franco was either edited unfairly or Heidi needs to pull a restraining order on him ASAP. I tend to believe the former. I also believe that the weird look in his eyes (always) is due more to being extremely myopic and wearing contacts than anything more sinister.

Andrae needs his own Project Andrae. Or the montage of him and the revolving door needs to go on the Viral Video site for downloading. Also? He was robbed on the "Inspiration" challenge.

Kara Janx wuz robbed during any number of challenges, but especially on the Garden Party challenge and the makeover challenge.

Diana is cute, was cute and had on a scarf that I'm sure she knit herself, seeing as it was as much there as it wasn't and her use of negative space was her greatest strength and singular vision.

If I can remember half of what I said in either of my other entries, maybe I'll amend this one. Or not.

I have a few things I'd like to rant about today, if you don't mind, and I know you don't.

1. Why the FUCK is Santino-the-Spawn-of-Satan STILL on Project Runway? Is he THAT good for ratings? He can't possibly be. I loathe him. The other designers loathe him. Tim fucking Gunn loathes him (and disses the producers in his blog cast this week, saying about the Evil One that he's only there because his "angels" come in and protect him every week).
But no. His greasy, assface is still torturing my tv. He made a catsuit that made a long, lean woman look short and lumpy. The sleeve fell off on the runway, people!! OFF!!! And still he's in the top four.

The highlight of the night, for me at least, was seeing the preview of next week's show where that overly-egotistical fathead Jay tells him "I hope you're canned."

Amen and hand to sky, sister. And not soon enough. They got rid of lovey Uncle Nick, the sweetiepie. (Who, although he was auf'ed wearing pink, was not auf'ed wearing a bead-dazzled hot pink leotard, like poor Emmett.)

2. Why should I believe that the US really foiled a plot by terrorists to fly an airplane into the tallest building in LA, when that story is being told by the biggest liar ever to sit in power? Huh? And, oh yeah, that happened four years ago. Uh-huh. Yeah. Sure. Right. Whatever. Didn't think to mention it earlier, did you?

3. Scooter Libby is saying that "higher ups" in the White House told him to leak classified materials to the press. Is that why we are hearing the story about the Day the White House Saved LA? To make it above the fold, and leave poor Scooter and his dirty plea bargaining buried in the back pages?

4. Of course, there is the little matter of our poor female reporter, sending out her pitiful little pleas to be saved by those same ass-hats. But, what the fuck, huh? You takes the job, you takes your chances. Ask old Bob Woodward, right?

5. There is no excuse for this. None. If it's so cold that you need to wear socks, then wear a pair of shoes. Period. Real shoes, not flipflops. How hard is that? And, PS, a cardigan sweater is designed to button up the front, not hang open in the back, and it would keep you warmer that way, too.

True.

Because I:

a) bought a sweat suit

b) confronted my brother about his misbehavior and he admitted wrongdoing

c) did not have a martini Saturday or Sunday, although there was one waiting in the freezer

d) all of the above
And the answer is d.

But, just for the record, I bought the sweat suit because both pieces (hoodie and pants) were the same price as just a hoodie or just a pair of gym sweats. It's a lovely shade of teal. I also told the RLA that if I wore both parts at the same time anywhere other than to the gym, he had my full permission to divorce me, and I wouldn't contest it.

I'm wearing the hoodie now. I wore the sweat pants all day yesterday. I did change into my jeans for the grocery store run.

And another thing: the folks at Television Without Pity seem to have felt that my separated at birth: Osama and Santino — was somehow inappropriate and took down my post. This on a subject where not only did someone else say he was SAB from Rasputin, but linked to a photo of Rasputin's, uh... naughty bits in a jar of formaldehyde. And I hope that was a doctored photo. Or it was a horse named Rasputin. Ick.

Hmmph. No. A quick Google, and there it is, along with a story that seems to come from the Russian version of News of the Weird.

Stick a fork in me. I am done.

So, I'm at the gym this morning, worked out with Nic Cage, then climbed on the old Precor and while I was working up a sweat, watching the "news" on Fox, I had a sudden epiphany.


That's where he's hiding! Right under our noses.

But think on this a moment: they exhibit the same sort of megalomaniacal, supremely arrogant behavior; you just know Santino reeks of patchouli and onions, just like Osama. You've never seen them in the same place at the same time...

Coincidence, or something more sinister?

This is it. I've had it. I'm mad as hell, and you know the rest.

First this, and then this.
I loved Daniel Franco . I want a Daniel Franco suit. I would wear his designs in a NY minute. That asshat Santino is an asshat. A petty, drama queen, talented, ruthless, batshit insane egotistical asshat. But let me tell you how I really feel about her.

As for Niner? Well, the Florida Marlins can just take their balls and move wherever the hell they want. I wash my hands of them. Back to the Metsies for me, girls.

Feh.

Oh, and a Bush joke, because, well, because they are so easy and they make me so happy.

Ralph Nader, Al Gore and George W. Bush go to a fitness spa for some fun.

After a stimulating, healthy lunch, all three decide to visit the men's room. There they find a strange-looking gent sitting at the entrance who says, "Welcome to the gentlemen's room. Be sure to check out our newest feature: a mirror that, if you look into it and say something truthful, you will be rewarded with your wish. But, be warned, for if you say something false, you will be sucked into the mirror to live in a void of nothingness for all eternity!"

The men quickly enter, and upon finding the mirror, Ralph Nader steps up and says, "I think I'm the most truthful of us three" and he suddenly finds the keys to a brand new Bentley in his hands.

Al Gore steps up and says "I think I'm the most ambitious of us three" and in an instant he was surrounded by a pile of money to fund his next Presidential Campaign.

Excited over the possibility of having a wish come true, George W. Bush looks into the mirror and says, "I think...", and is promptly sucked into the mirror.

Miss JoJo graduated from puppy school last night, and although she was smart enough to carry her biscuit back to her place in line before she ate it, she was hardly the valedictorian. True to herself, though, she was voted Friendliest Dog, or, as I like to call her, Miss Congeniality.

What a hoot.
In other bubbles of non-information that are rumbling around in my head, today is my cousin's birthday. He's a still photographer for major motion pictures, and thanks to him, I am three degrees of Kevin Bacon. This is good bar conversation fodder.

The Bob has signed a contract with XM Radio to host a show starting in March 06. This means I now have to get xm radio in my car or house or some damn place.

I have yet another new addiction now that ANTM is over for the season, (NIK WUZ ROBBED!!) and that is Project Runway. I somehow missed it last year, so I don't understand why I'm supposed to hate Daniel so much. Since he seems to be a neurotic mess with sloppy hair and meticulous tailoring skills, I, of course, love him and want him to win. And, seriously, what's up with the bitch who won't share her closest space?