Blame Reecie

Reecie, damn her freckles and dimples, tagged me with this meme. Which I only do when she tags me. Because I like her, that's why. And when you read her answers, and my answers, then you'll see that we were clearly separated at birth, or at least share a part of a brain. So, when Reecie plays meme tag, I play along. Ready? Let's go.
7 things I plan to do before I die:
1) Take in a game in every major league baseball park.
2) Spend Bastille Day in France
3) Have a buckskin mare
4) Have a family reunion in Newport, Rhode Island
5) Eat my way across India
6) Publish my book
7) Make my living as a real artist*

7 things I can do:
1) Drive a stick shift, and actually, damn near anything with an engine and wheels
2) Curse fluently. Like a longshoreman. Or a sailor.
3) Drink you under the table.
4) Remember huge chunks of Firesign Theatre dialogue.
5) Bake. Pie crusts that float. Cakes that are moist. Bread that is crusty.
6) Swim like a fish.
7) Handwork. **

7 things I cannot do:
1) Vote Republican
2) Snow ski***
3) Suffer fools lightly.
4) Watch talk show television.
5) Speak French so that French people can understand me.
6) Stick to the speed limit
7) Forgive my first husband.

7 things that attract me to the opposite sex:
1) A big, wrinkly brain
2) A dark/twisted sense of humor
3) Height (the taller, the better)
4) A slender build (the skinnier, the better)
5) Long legs
6) Musical/artistic talent
7) Big hands

7 things that I say most often:
1) What the fuck are YOU lookin' at?
2) Fuck me blue.
3) There is just not enough alcohol in the world.
4) What the fuck is WRONG with you people.
5) Hmmph. Darwin in action.
6) What a good dog.
7) I love you

7 celebrity crushes:
1) Bob Dylan (give it a rest. I don't care what you think.)
2) Tony Bourdain (he and I were in New York in the same years, hanging out in the same places. How I missed him --tall, skinny, bad attitude, junkie -- I'll never know.)
3) Little Steven
4) Crash Davis (the character that Kevin Costner played in Bull Durham)
5) Jeff Conine (the real-life version of Crash Davis)
6) Bruce Springsteen (what, you thought I'd leave him off this list? Huh. As fucking if.)
7) Johnny Depp.

7 people I want to do this (Dorothy's disclaimer applies here as well; anyone not on the list who'd like to play is invited, and no one I've tagged should feel obligated):
1) Jodi, even though she will never do a meme
2) Jules
3) The Manolo
4) Jennifer
5) Miss Bliss
6) Wrapped Up Like a Douche
7) Allie

* as opposed to a corporate hack

** Shut up. You have a dirty mind. Embroidery. Beading. Sewing. Knitting. THAT kind of handwork.

*** Nor do I want to: it's fucking cold, wet and hard work for little payoff.