Going To the Chapel

Previously on Project Runway, Kenley was a stank bitch, Korto fell apart and Jerell won the evening gown portion of the competition, but was still eligible for elimination, proving that anybody can get screwed over by ratings at any time.

Heidi comes to the runway in something sheer and poofy and possibly by Christian Siriano. The four designers will have to go home and make a collection of 10 looks. They will have two months and eight thousand dollars. And since they all sucked in the last challenge, one of those ten designs must be a wedding dress. That dress should sum up their collection, and will be the deciding challenge when they return to New York. One final cut will be made and only three designers will compete at Fashion Week.

And they’re off. Jerell sits in the lobby as Stankenley pulls her suitcase past and refuses to say good-bye to him. She delivers a final interview where she says that the other designers hate her and the feeling is mutual and they all sabotaged her and blahblahpoorpoorpitifulme. The other girls reach the lobby, there is much hugging and loving, and they are sent away to make the magic happen.

Tim’s On the Road, Again

First stop, Little Rock, Arkansas, where he meets up with Korto in her super-cool studio in the woods. She says that she’s inspired by the snakes and the trees and the beautiful shades of green around the studio. She’s also inspired by her native culture. She is accessorizing with her own beadwork (which is very nice).

She shows Tim a lime green snakeskin dress that is extremely form fitting and which has a vulva-shaped inset in beige in the girly-bits area, and the whole thing is so overtly sexual that Tim gets a little unsettled. Of course, Korto doesn’t see it. Her wedding dress is not looking like a wedding dress, and Tim thinks there’s a lot of work left to do.

Korto takes Tim to her home to meet her family, and there is a review of her emigree background. She says that the experience taught her that just because you fall, you don’t have to stay on the ground. She and her drumming partner perform a drumming session for Tim. There are nice looking cocktails on the table.

Next stop: Portland, Oregon and Leanne

Leanne welcomes Tim to her home and introduces him to her sort of nerdy boy friend. Then she tells him that when she got back to Portland, she went to the waterfront and sketched and sketched. Her inspiration for her collection is wave patterns and how she interpreted the movement. Her color palette is tight and limited, but in a very ethereal range. Tim is concerned that the white is too white and suggests that Leanne tea-dye some of it.

Her wedding dress is stiffer and less flowing than the rest of the collection. Tim reminds Leanne that the wedding dress is the make or break piece. Then Leanne takes Tim for a ride through the woods on a tandem bike. Tim is still in his suit. It’s sort of, uh, awkward. But sweet. Leanne tells her back story: baby ballerina, started making her own costumes, wanted to be a designer since she was twelve. Sweet.

Los Angeles, Here Tim Comes

Jerell has grown a goatee. He’s hotter than ever. He takes Tim to his studio where we see piles and piles of fabrics, each one more glittery or ugly than the last. Jerell is into mixing textures and unexpected colors. Or, Jerell is color blind. I think we should look into that possibility. His wedding dress is beige and grey and rouched and tulle poufs and beaded bodices and everything else he could throw at it. Tim thinks that Jerell needs to edit himself. He’s also unhappy with how asymmetrical the wedding gown is. Tim cautions that the collection needs to be believable, and not look costume-y.

Then it’s off to meet the family. Pretty people (especially the love interest. Damn.) Jerell’s mom says that she always knew Jerell was going to do something in the creative field. Jerell says that when he was four, he took a tube sock and cut it up to be a dress with a train. I’m not sure if it was for him or a doll. Very sketchy. Jerell’s daddy was a truck driver who was never home because he was working to lift his family out of the neighborhood they lived in (Rodney King riots were literally next door). Jerell cries.

Back in NY

Kenley is working from her studio apartment in Brooklyn. She has a sofa that’s either from Urban Outfitters or Anthropologie. I recognize the black and white print, at any rate. The editors attempt a redemption arc by letting her say that she really values everything Tim has to say, even if her snotty attitude and eye-rolling and “what does Tim know”-ing makes it seem that she doesn’t. She tells us that her grandmother was a calendar girl, and shows us a photo that is clearly the inspiration of everything Kenley has ever made. She cries and picks her nose.

Tim comes in and gushes all over the wedding dress, which is, as much as I hate to say it, totally amazing. There is a feather bodice and peplum that explodes into a huge tulle skirt. She’s got some green thing on a mannequin, and has accessorized with black rope wound several times around the mannequin’s neck. This squicks Tim right out, and he asks Kenley about the noose thing and if she had given any thought to the fact that it might look like someone was hanging themselves. No, she hadn’t and of course it doesn’t look like that. Her daddy was a tug boat captain and she grew up playing with rope. She has no friends or family to introduce to Tim. (Figures)

And We’re Back

Korto arrives at the Atlas first, and is nervous about seeing Stankley again. She doesn’t want to have to room with her. Fortunately, Leanne is the next to arrive, and she and Korto stake a claim on one suite, together. Jerell shows up next (without the hot goatee) and the girls apologize for making him room with Kenley. He asks them to check on him once in a while to make sure she hasn’t killed him in his sleep.

Kenley finally shows up and as she’s dragging her suitcase past the others, throws back over her shoulder, “Yeah, sorry if I was a bitch or whatever.” It’s as heartfelt as it’s gonna get, people. The sponsors arrive with champagne and nibbly bits and so, to bed.

In the BlowFly Workroom

The designers unpack and check out each other’s work. Tim comes in to give them a final pep talk and ruin their lives with one more, final, last challenge. Let’s make a bridesmaid’s dress to go with your wedding gown. One day to have a nervous breakdown, and $150 to spend at Mood. Let’s roll. Leanne knows exactly what she wants to do and the colors and fabrics she wants to use. No drama to see here, let’s move on.

Back in the workroom, Kenley is digging at and picking a fight with Korto, who just ignores her. Jerell is miserable and says that all bridesmaids gowns are butt ugly. Korto says that hers weren’t.

Tim comes in for the walkabout and starts with Kenley, who is doing a dark blue bubble skirt and a darker blue boat neck top, with the same cut away armholes she used on her Solo in the Spotlight lizard dress. I find the skirt way too short.

Jerell has mangled some slate blue crispy organza into a column dress with a sash decorated with a stem of silk orchids. It is bunchy and wrinkly. He tells Tim that he’s going to use what looks like ivory acrylic bulky-weight knitting yarn to attach the silk flowers to the dress. Tim is very properly horrified at this suggestion and tells Jerell not to fight with Mother Nature. Or NinaGarcia, says Jerell. Or NinaGarcia, agrees Tim. I love Jerell, but he has thrown this challenge in the toilet with that bridesmaids monstrosity.

Tim discovers that Leanne has taken his advice regarding her wedding dress and completely remade it. Now it looks like an origami meringue, and I say that in the most respectful and quite frankly, awestruck way possible. Her bridesmaid’s dress is the perfect compliment, and Tim tells her to bring thought to the length of it.

Korto has pretty much given up, too and her bridesmaid’s dress looks a lot like the wedding dress. Too much so, says Tim. And then, our man Tim Gunn starts to cry. He loves them all, and he wants them all to do well. Tim’s never cried on the designers before. What’s all this then?

Runway Day

Jerell dresses funny. That’s all I’m saying. The designers all look like five miles of bad road. The models are coming in for hair and make up. Kenley complains to the camera that when she looked around the workroom, she saw that both Korto and Leanne copied her paper. Those big cheaters made short bridesmaids dresses, too. Just like her. They knocked off her design. Remember that. There is crying from Korto. There is Heidi in another sheer blouse that looks like a Christian Siriano.

And there is the show. Jerell’s models come out, and the girl in the bridesmaid’s dress is wearing the rest of the potted orchid on her head. Oh, Jerell. The colors are gorgeous, but the whole thing looks like he dug it out of the bottom of the dirty laundry hamper.

Kenley’s wedding dress is still amazing and gorgeous. I still don’t think the two pieces work together and the bubble skirt is still about 6 inches too short.

Korto’s dresses don’t look like a wedding party. Leanne’s wedding dress is stunning. And it has pockets. I love it, but what do the judges have to say? And there is no guest judge, just Heidi, NinaGarcia and Michael Kors.

They love Leanne’s dress, too. NinaGarcia calls it “chic, modern and dreamy.” MK loves it and Heidi declares it “Fan-TASST-ik”. Jerell’s dress, though, not so much. Michael loves the wedding dress from the empire down, but the rest he finds garish. Jerell says that he finds it regal. See, this is why drag queen is a bad phrase for designers. Not all queens are regal, sweetiedarling. And the flower pot on the head is certain death to Jerell’s dreams. NinaGarcia thinks the colors look dingy and dirty.

And now, Kenley. Well, they love her wedding dress, and Michael says it’s fabulous but it’s also Alexander McQueen. Kenley denies it and reminds everyone that she doesn’t look at other collections. You be the judge.

And then, in the biggest fix since I don’t know: the 2000 election in Florida, Heidi and Michael just gush all over the fucking wedding party, heaping undeserved love all over the knocked-off wedding dress and the too-short bubble skirt. It’s disgusting. It’s crazy good says Heidi, and Kenley is obnoxious in victory, squealing an over-the-top “RILLLLLY????” and dabbing onion juice at her eyes so she can cry without the snot running down her nose.

Korto’s two pieces get a series of disdainful sniffs, snipes and an “I wouldn’t wear that on a bet” from Heidi, and then we are on to the judging.

Leanne’s dress is both architectural and romantic. Kenley’s rip-off of AMQ is a great show finale dress. Korto’s doesn’t look like a wedding and Jerell went hog wild, threw too much of everything into both pieces and lost his last semblance of taste. Despite the audience voting overwhelmingly to toss Kenley off the stage for good, and not let her show her sour puss at fashion week, the final three are Leanne, Kenley and Korto.

Jerell is not down though, as he tells us in his exit interview that he sees himself at 80 getting a call from the Metropolitan asking to do a retrospective of his life’s work. And with that, we are done. Until next week, when we finally learn who wins. And if it isn’t Leanne, then I’m done with this show, too.