Happy Birthday to The Coolest Person In the World

Not that she reads my blog, she's too cool for that.

But she is one of my best friends in the world (despite that she IS The Coolest Person In The World) and I can't let the day go by without wishing her a happy birthday.

Of course, if she is actually turning 50 this year, and I can't remember if she is or if it's next year, and she's having a party without me, I'll just have to slit my wrists.
Why is she The Coolest Person In The World?

One night, many many many years ago, she came over to my apartment in a rare snit. Her friend Woody was in town, and wanted to take her to dinner, but not out, just over to his friend's apartment. But his friend's wife was on a health food kick at the time, so all that she could expect for dinner would be brown rice, bean sprouts and a bottle of water. This was totally unacceptable, so she told Woody if he couldn't cough up for a steak and a bottle of wine somewhere, she wasn't going out with him.

Except.

Woody was Ron Wood, the friend was Mick Jagger, and the health-conscious wife was Bianca Jagger.

I told her I L-U-V ed brown rice, water and bean sprouts and that I'd be happy to go in her place.

I recieved a look of scorn for being so easy.

Happy Birthday, Girlfriend.