Joyce Maynard Is a Drip and Other Tales of the New Jazz Age

Back in the dawn of time, when I was living in NYC, the Village Voice had a contest to name Fran Leibowitz's first collection of essays. I read Fran in the Voice and I loved her. So I entered the contest.
"Joyce Maynard Is A Drip & Other Tales of the New Jazz Age" was the title of my submission, and surprising to no one but me, didn't win.

I hated Joyce Maynard, although I never read her first book, nor any of her subsequent ones, either, to tell the truth, but I have read any number of her essays, and despised them all. Ms. Maynard's claim to fame in those days, and it's a toss up as to whether that or her current one is more offensive to me, was that she was the precocious daughter of Harvard professors, who got a publishing contract at an absurdly early age, to write her memoirs of growing up in the 60s.

As David Crosby once said, if you remember the 60s you really weren't there. Neither was I, and if that punk bitch could bullshit her way into a contract, I didn't see why I couldn't, seeing as how I was funnier, smarter, and seemed to have done more drugs.

I bring this up because today I'm pissed about another annoying "celebrity" who has a publishing contract for a "humorous" autobiography. Paris Hilton. I know she's a cheap shot, but that's the point exactly.

I'm smarter, funnier, and about an infinity less a skank. So how come I can't get a contract to be a paid smartasscommenter on the state of the universe? I need to send some samples to Jon Stewart.... or at least my manuscript to an agent....

Any suggestions?
Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 12/22 at 09:37 PM in As I See It Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 12/22 at 09:37 PM in I Hate the Living.

(3) Comments
#1. Posted by Miss Bliss on December 23, 2004

Honey I don’t know where to send anything but damnit you need to find out and send something off because you are so right!!  I am also SO offended that people pay those idiots to PRETEND to write something.  Drives me insane!!

#2. Posted by Cary on December 26, 2004

Not only is Paris an “author”, she is also a “singer”. HA! (or should that be BLECH!) The worst part is that my 14 year old stepdaughter is attracted to all that is Paris and has even mentioned that she wants her CD(even though she has never listened to it).  Someone please help me if that piece of trash ever enters my house. Thankfully her taste in music is very eclectic and mostly pretty decent.

#3. Posted by Brette on December 26, 2004

Wait, are you telling me you’re SURPRISED?  Paris Hilton, Joyce Maynard, both soaked in wealth, have been getting their way since their births.  Money talks.  It may happen that nobody buys Paris’ albums or her auto-bio, but she has enough money to throw it away on the publication….That’s capitalism for you.

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