Miz Shoes Reviews: Project Runway 8.9

Previously on Project Runway, despite the judges having on their collective bitch pants,  Mondo won a challenge with a Jackie Kennedy on mescaline Chanel suit, Michael Knitwear guy was aufsie-daisy for the horror of cartridge pleats, and Tim had a hissy fit on his vlog, then remembered his manners, took it down and created a huge flutter in the Metaverse.

Gretchen and April are ready for another challenge, while Ivy and Valerie engage in mutual enabling of delusions and generally neurotic behavior. Ivy declares Valerie utterly broken by the last challenge. Mondo and Christopher have to move in with Andy and Wimpy. Not that Mondo calls Michael C Wimpy. No, that is Miz Shoes’ pet name for the Rodney Dangerfield of the Project Runway workroom. In fact, from now on we will refer to him as Rodney, so pay attention. But we digress. Andy throws some shade on Rodney, implying that he’s untrustworthy, and we’re off to the runway.

Heidi tells them nothing about the challenge, except the winner will walk away with a huge chunk of change. Tim tells them that this is the

make-up sponsor’s

couture challenge, that they have two days to create something over the top and fabulous, and $300 to spend at Mood. Their design will be featured in an advertorial for L’oreal. Massive product placement by Mr. Clean, and Pee Ess, the winner will also get a cool twenty grand. Montage of designers telling us how poor they are and how they need the money to stay out of the homeless shelter. Use our eye-shadow palettes as your inspiration. The palletes are Metallic, Velvet, Matte, Crystal and Bright. Gretchen considers the velvet, because she wants a challenge. Then Tim says not to use velvet unless you are really good with it or up to the challenge. Well, of course, our Miss Gretchen is up for that, by golly. Miz Shoes considers the possibility that Gretchen is a Sarah Palin supporter. As last week’s winner, Mondo gets to choose first, and he naturally gloms onto Bright.

The remaining designers chose in order, Christopher-crystal, April-matte, Rodney-metallic, Ivy-bright (because she can, too, use color, dammit), Valerie-crystal and Gretchen declares for “risky” velvet, because that’s just the sort of takin’ risks kinda girl she is, donchaknow? Andy goes for metallic. The designers stare at the piles of makeup and see Hawaiian waves in electric blue (Ivy), Galadriel’s fairy bathrobe/kimono (Gretchen), and Mondo is reminded of his childhood kaleidoscope.

At Mood, Swatch steals the show. First he barks at Tim’s feet, then Tim chases him around (looking for all the world like C3P0) and ends with a final thank you Mood and goodbye, Swatch. Yay for Swatch. In the workroom, Gretchen is furious with Rodney, because he is using her signature color, and she turned him on to it during the group challenge. He haz stole her colur! Oh, ┬áNOES!!! Miz Shoes feels that there are about six hours of Gretchen kvetchin’ and decides that Gretchen is smug and humorless and clueless of her lack.

Tim Thru (TM)! Valerie has a lot of work, and a lot of her usual swoopy pleating things, coming from shoulder to hip across the body. Tim warns her that she has a lot of look. April is doing another riff on her winning resort look, and again in black on black. I love you, April, but use some color! Andy is doing a futuristic warrior woman, and while the other designers opine that his look is questionable, Tim tells it to take it further. Ivy is doing these bias ruffles and says it’s waves and water crashing and Tim recoils from the literalness of it all.

Gretchen attempts to sweet talk Mondo over Capri Suns. Since it’s a two-day challenge, the designers have all been working slowly, except for April, who has watched this show before and knows that there is always a twist and so has been working steadily all day, just in case. Models come in for their fittings and nobody has anything for them to try on, except Rodney and April. By the end of the night, Mondo has determined that he needs to start over on his bodice.

The next morning, as the designers settle in for the second day of work, Tim comes in to deliver their

death sentence

twist. They will have to create a ready to wear riff on the couture piece. And they have little time to sketch, little money at Mood and no additional hours, really, to do it all. There is much open-mouthed gaping and rending of garments. More Mood, more Swatch. In the sewing room, the designers fantasize over what they could do with 20K. There is a lot of debt to be paid off, but April wants a miniature pony. Miz Shoes is more than ever convinced that April is the natural daughter of her her long-lost friend, Psycho Patti. Tim comes around for his second walk though, Valerie has a nervous weeping fit and Ivy pities Val’s weakness. Morning of the show, however, finds Valerie with a lot of hand work left to do, but Ivy without a single finished piece. Extended footage of sewing, styling (Gretchen again uses the bone suede knee boots, this time under her elvish robe. Girl, give those tired things a rest, already.) At the ten minute warning, there are still a lot of unfinished garments in the work room.

Guest judge this week is Naeem Khan, whose clients include Michelle Obama, and she always looks great in his stuff, so well done, Mr. Kahn. April’s two black looks come out, and the first is sort of a steam punk neo-Victorian riding coat with a mullet hem and bustle back. This is worn over another pair of granny hot panties. The RTW is a little black dress with a ruffle shrug. There may be organza involved. Mondo sends out a Memphis-inspired bustier and skirt, and both pieces seem to move independent of the model. His second look is a body-conscious sheath, with a panel of black and white chevrons down the center front, and a matching panel in the back of black and white horizontal stripes. There are button details at the neck.

Ivy has made two things that are very, very, retinal-searing blue. Neither piece is pretty and neither piece fits, but Ivy is sure that she is safe. Rodney (Michael C, remember?) has made a ridiculous dress with pectoral fins and a train that has a hoopy, boned hem and a few hundred yards of ruffles. He calls the RTW look a mini-me version. Miz Shoes calls it the mall version, but recognizes that he does tend to design for strippers who have married Texas politicians, and they would totally shop at the store that carried his work. Christopher has used cream and white and illusion netting and bits of lace to make an ice dancer bodice over a sort of swirling chiffon meringue around her hips, below which hangs Gretchen’s signature faded lavender. This is echoed in the RTW sheath dress in ivory with a center panel of lavender. A lot of froth, but no coffee.

Gretchen has made a flapperesque bath kaftan, in a burgundy and beige tie-dye velvet, with floating panels (predictably) of darker and lighter purples in crepes or chiffons. It is covered all over in a grid of long, dangly ivory feathers, like tufts of fringe, and the (predictably) open back has all of its edges highlighted with beading. The model is wearing her hair parted in the middle, and a Renfest headpiece made of beads. The RLA took one look and invoked the sacred name of Bea Arthur or maybe only said it looked old. Her ready to wear bears absolutely no relation to her couture look. It is made of shades of teal green, and the side seams overlap to create a high slit on the leg when the model walks. Valerie’s contributions are long and white and shiny and short and black with three shiny buttons. She’s just happy to have two finished pieces. Andy’s armor is black and red and shiny and covered with his accordion-pleated panels. It is samurai armor and cocktail umbrellas all done in a goth color way. His RTW dress fits like a glove and has panels of the shimmery stuff on the arms and sides, in an echo of the armor.

Christopher and April are safe. Ivy, Valerie and Rodney have the bottom scores, and are sent away. Mondo, Andy and Gretchen have the top scores, and proceed to critique. The judges are back drinking the Gretchen koolaid, and Miz Shoes respectfully disagrees. Her look was dowdy and limp, just like everything else she makes, and enough with the beige boots. April should have been the number three top scorer.

Mr. Khan loves Andy’s multiple techniques, and the cocktail dress. NinaGarcia is fascinated with the leggings that incorporate the boots, and she and MKors both love Andy’s two looks, but Heidi doesn’t care for the couture bootleggings. Mondo’s kaleidoscope and simple day dress garner more accolades. Mr. Khan loves the multiple stripes, MKors calls the back dreamy, and like a Kentucky Derby ribbon exploded, but in a good way. Heidi loves the hat.

The losers come back out and Ivy attempts to defend her look. Pieces are coming off at the neckline on the evening dress. It’s pretty sad, and the short version just as sad. Everyone hates it, especially Mr. Khan, and when Heidi says that she doesn’t hate it as much as the other judges do, he shoots her a disbelieving look and says “Huh.”

Valerie’s failures are explained to her: she didn’t listen to the fabric, she forced it, trying to do structured with soft fabrics and drape with stiff ones. She missed her inspiration (Audrey Hepburn) by light years. Rodney is told that of the bottom three, his is the only work to look well-sewn, because the judges just aren’t going to let the other designers forget how they stood on that runway and said he couldn’t sew at all. Then they call out his couture gown for the mess it is, but heap a little bit of love on the short dress with the Judy Jetson peplum.

The judges deliberate and offer up sound bites of scathing disapproval. MKors declares a tight race for hideous this week. In the end, Mondo wins over Andy and Gretchen is safe, Michael C is safe, Valerie squeaks by and Ivy, the bitterest of kittens is sent home, to be forever bitter and resentful of the color turquoise.

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 09/26 at 12:50 AM in Project Runway

(1) Comments
#1. Posted by Elise on October 02, 2010

Mondo’s suit was amazing. He’s going to take it all, I have no doubt. His skill/talent/creativity/vision is so far above the others, it’s not even funny.

Gretchen’s dress was an ugly, shapeless, hippie caftan (and WTF was that weird, scarfy, beady back all about???), and I can’t even imagine what those judges had to smoke to like it. And yes, GOD YES, enough with the suede boots. ENOUGH.

Having said that, Mr. Khan was an excellent judge. Constructive criticism, what a refreshing concept! I wish he could be around more often.

Thank heaven Ivy is gone. She was such a negative, oppressive presence. Not only that, but if I had to hear her proclaim what an AWESOME designer she is one more time I was going to stroke out. Hello, Ivy? When you’re the only one who thinks you’re awesome, you’re actually just delusional.

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