Miz Shoes Reviews: Project Runway Season 6, Episode 2

There are fifteen beautiful designers before me, but only… wait. Wrong show. It is a bilious yellow green morning in LA, which looks no better in that color than 7th Avenue did with the mannequin in the middle of the street. In the girl designers’ room, Althea didn’t expect Ari to be gone so quickly. I can’t imagine why she didn’t. Where the boys are, Mitchell is just jazzed to still be in the contest. Logan is this season’s shirtless guy. Works for me. I like them long-haired skinny, bare-chested boys. I admit it. I’m not proud, but you know that somewhere, there is a ratings wonk turning to his co-worker and saying, you see? I told you it hits the demographic. Right. I digress.

On the runway, Christopher is reminded that he has immunity, and Heidi announces the next challenge. They will have to design this week for a real star of big and little screens, and a former super model,  and the designers get all twitterpated and think they’ll get to design for Heidi, but no. They will be designing for (remember, this show was filmed two years ago, or so it seems) a very pregnant with twins Rebecca Romijn. She tells them that her routine hasn’t changed because she’ pregnant, so they can design an outfit for any occasion: lunch with friends, dinner with the hubs, business meeting, party. Only caveat: it must show off the belly and be chic.

Back in the work room, Tim is waiting with a pile of fake bellies. Christopher puts his on his mannequin sideways, as though he’s got no clue what a pregnant woman looks like. Oh, right. Chris is this year’s “stupid, twee hat guy” and that’s one stereotype I wish they’d quit casting. I can live with the bitch and the bully and the clueless, but please, for the love of all that is holy, can we stop with the stupid twee hats? The baseball cap two sizes too small and perched at a rakish angle to one side? The little pork pie hats. The little pork pie hat worn over a do-rag coughSantinocough The ladies with the fascinators and Bettie Page bangs. Enough. Except, can I just say that this hat in particular is offensive? The badly crocheted, ear-flapped, green/brown camo version of Janye’s hat? I particularly never want to see its acrylic face again. But I digress.

They have a budget of $100 and 2 days to sew. Half an hour to sketch, half an hour to shop. Logan is clueless and says that babies scare him. Malvin says that he got from his critique last week that the judges want to see a combination of design and construction technique and that he can do that. Malvin seems to be the smartest designer we have.

Sherin is going to do a dress and a coat. Seems ambitious. Hannah Carol says that she’s designed a maternity dress before. For a bridesmaid. Let’s not open that can of worms. Her words. Qristyl is stressing out. Ra’Mon says he’s going to go tailored and refined. Althea is doing a ribbon bodice with a jersey skirt. LouiseBrooks is going to do a (this is a stylistic leap here) 1920’s negligee-inspired cocktail dress, and is hand-dying some lace. Malvin is conceptualizing eggs, and birds in nests and is using ivory burlap again. Ra’mon, having said not three sentences ago that he’s going the tailored and refined route is having a crisis of faith and is now as clueless as Logan. Mitchell is just agonizing over being safe and to hell with creative. So he’s doing kicky shorts, a t-shirt and a jacket. Oh hell no, he is not sending another naked model down the runway. As God as his witness. Althea is eager to see Malvin’s chicken/egg.

Mitchell, who says he’s designed for pregnant women before is working on his shorts. To say they are, at this point sans waistband voluminous is an understatement. Two of the girl designers climb in the shorts, one in each leg. Much hilarity ensues…among the designers who haven’t been there long enough to start having the giggles. At the end of day one, Shirin has finished her dress.

Day two begins with Tim coming for his walkabout. Althea says that she’s designing for a business luncheon and Tim arches his eyebrow, looks at the long train on this and says gurl, please. Don’t even try to sell it as day wear. Louise is doubting herself and asks kindly professor Gunn’s advice. He says if her viscera is telling her no, she needs to listen. In my low-brow world, that means listen to your gut.

Tim and Mitchell share a laugh over last weeks fiasco. Shirin’s dress is praised, as is her choice of materials for her jacket, and Tim warns her that she has to have the right jacket. Malvin explains about the chicken and the egg to Tim, who listens thoughtfully. Malvin then takes over channeling the aliens from Ari and says that he’s going to make jodphurs to go under the birds nest, cradled eggywegg top. Jodphurs with really exaggerated hips so that they will look like uncooked fryer chicken thighs. Tim suggests, ever so gently, that maybe pregnant women don’t want to wear exaggerated chicken thighs. Malvin says he doesn’t want to bore Nina. Oh, you won’t Tim assures him.

As quickly as he can, Tim sidles away and over to Ra’Mon, where he finds a color-blocked cocktail dress. The color blocking is done in great swoops and swashes along the line of the belly, tucking under into an almost straight skirt. Tim tells him not to play safe, but also not to worry, as coo-coo has already been taken. His words.

Malvin has second thoughts. Mitchell innocently mentions to Ra’Mon that his lines have succeeded in looking like a bowling ball, and for some reason, that just flattens Ra’Mon. He has to take walk. Mitchell follows, attempting to cajol Ra’Mon back into good humor. It’s gaggy enough to make me sentimental for Santino or the Pencil Necked Shmoo. Get a room, girls.

The models come for fittings and all freak out over the fake bellies, except for Althea’s model who has a kid and loves the dress. Ra’Mon’s model stays late and gets a scolding from Professor Gunn. Jonny seems to be doing something nice over in his corner. Nick, aka Daniel Franco Lite, advises the viewers that there is some real crap in the workroom. Neither fitted nor chic, Rebecca, he is certain, would not wear any of it. All we see of his dress is a black ruffled plunging neck line. Could be nice.

Day of the Show

My notes say “boys are weak” but I can’t remember who said it. The RLA? One of the girl designers? Me? The boys are weak. Malvin has doubts, and doesn’t think his egg motif is literal enough. Daniel Franco Lite has a broken zipper and Is Not Happy about having to sew his girl into her dress.Mitchell is feverishly working on those shorts. Ra’Mon accuses Logan of being “Stella, workin’ on yur leathah.” Nope. Self-referential is not funny.

Shirin’s dress is pretty and fits well. The black jacket with the print lining is beautiful. Mitchell’s shorts are ghastly. Qristyl breaks a needle. Oh, the humanity. Louise has tons of hand work to do. Malvin is self-concious. Christopher is still working the Jayne Cobb camo and it still sucks.

On the runway, Heidi recaps the challenge. Our guest judges are Monique Lhuillier and Rebecca. Michael Kors is sitting this one out. Heidi is quick to tell the designers that every one of the judges has been pregnant and unable to find decent clothing, so they have sharp eyes. Let’s start the show.

Logan has made a white billowy top and capris. Nicholas has attached that interesting neck to a plain pencil skirt which is riding up as the model leaves the runway and he sees Heidi throw a squint down at that. Christopher has done a magenta satin bubble top over black leggings. Qristyl has done a sexy draped brick colored top over brown. Could be a tiered dress, could be a skirt and top. Epperson has made a dramatic jumpsuit under a dramatic jacket. It’s all edgy and oversized. LouiseBrooks’ dress is pretty in a high-end nightgown sort of way. Gordana has made leggings and a top, in black with a little grey sweater. It’s invisible. Jonny has made a fun, easy dress that might be a wrap, with a self-fabric corsage. Malvin…well, I’m not sure. It looks a little like a baby sling, but there is some very interesting stuff going on at the same time. He’s paired it with skinny black pants. I could see Angelina Jolie in this. Ra’Mon’s dress is awful and not really made well. Carol Hannah has made a blue dress with a drape supporting the belly. It’s the same concept as Malvins, only better made and more flattering. Althea’s navy blue evening dress is has a deep v back. Real boobs would fall out of the bra top, but the model looks lovely. Irina has also made a blue dress. This one looks like a stretch velvet and it’s more turquoise. It’s another halter top and full skirt, and has about eight inches of satin at the hem. Shirin’s ensemble is amazing.

Ra’Mon, LouiseBrooks, Althea, Malvin, Mitchell and Shirin are left on the runway. We begin with Ra’Mon’s cocktail dress. Monique says it’s too busy, and the construction is sloppy. They all agree that it looks like the racing stripes are pointing to the baby. These women are vicious.

Louise’s pleated bust and tiered slips get high praise for being adaptable to all stages of pregnancy. Althea’s evening gown is called perfection by Monique, and Rebecca loves it. NinaGarcia thinks that Malvin’s egg looks like a baby sling (see?) but they love the way he’s made the black organza look like feathers around the neckline.

Again, they all love Mitchell’s concept. They’d love to go to lunch or the grocery store in this. Well, not THIS. THIS is so badly constructed that they wouldn’t use it to mop the countertop. Heidi calls it a sad, pregnant mess. Shirin’s dress is comfortable. There are no bad angles. They all love the jacket and the detailing.

Then the claws come back out and they run down the list again. Ra’Mon’s construction made the baby bulge look like a bowling ball. Mitchell can’t sew. Malvin had a concept and he went with it. Sherin’s waistline treatment was beautiful, the coat was beautiful and the whole outfit the most wearable of the bunch. Althea had gorgeous draping, color choice and elegant lines. Louise’s dress was fun, but, you know, do you really want to walk around in your lingerie when you’re pregnant? But it was well executed. But, your lingerie. In public.

Louise, Althea and Ra’Mon are in. Shirin is the winner and the judges say that they would all wear it, pregnant or not. Which leaves Malvin and Mitchell. Mitchell’s total lack of sewing skills and time management is called to account. Inexcusable, says Heidi, and then tells Malvin that the whole chicken/egg thing was so heinous, that he has to leave. Aufsie Daisy. Inexcusable has been excused and Mitchell squeaks by to be auff’ed another day.

Next week, they have to work in teams. That’s never pretty.