Miz Shoes Reviews: Project Runway Season 8, Episode 6

Previously on Project Runway, the popular kids were mean to Michael C aka Bluto*, and Gretchen revealed her true nature. Or natures, as there were many faces of Gretchen revealed.  In a team challenge which was supposed to have no leaders, Gretchen ran Team Luxe to a well-deserved loss, then AJ had to take the bullet, and was sent home. Team Even the Losers Get Lucky Sometimes won the challenge and El Nino del Infierno won immunity.

The Statue of Liberty holds her lamp high over the orange skyline of Manhattan. In the Atlas, the cool kids are still bitching that the losers won. Even April is trashing Wimpy and saying that he can’t tailor, drape, cut a pattern or sew. Ivy and Valerie want him to get sent home. Gretchen cries crocodile tears over Tim Gunn’s smack down and says he hurt her feelings. Ivy and Valerie are happy that Tim did it. They think it will give Gretchen a little reality check. Maybe, if they don’t go back to being her adoring sycophants, annnd we’re already too late for that.

Runway: Casanova has immunity. New models and quite a task. Oh, lord. It’s the reconfigure some of the world’s ugliest bridesmaids’ dresses challenge. Make something they would like to wear out of this crap fabric and these ugly colors. There is a blue vertical bow, a dress that looks like a Twizzler, another that looks like the inside of a Pepto-Bismal bottle. Every one is made of horrible polyester satin.

As the winner, Casanova picks first and goes for the tallest and thinnest girl. Everyone gets someone and something. Micheal Knitwear is appalled to be last and left with the big girl. Ivy picks the ivory dress, of course. Mondo goes for a rose-colored dress which is later revealed to be sporting a giant white stripe down the back.  The designers are told to create something that looks like a runway, nothing like a bridesmaid’s dress. $50 and up to two yards of additional fabric. Use most of the bridemaid’s dress. Christopher’s model bails and he gets a new girl with a sort of metallic net and embroidery.

April’s model is a pain. She wants the pleats ironed out of a Fortuny-pleated grey dress and does not get April’s aesthetic. Miz Shoes considers taking a shot every time one of the designers says “aesthetic”. Knitwear Michael calls his model “vo-LUMP-tuous. Tailoring and smart decisions will be key to his success, he says. And off they go to Mood. Michael Knitwear is so undone by the size of his model that he buys upholstery fabric instead of dress-making fabric, because he can only buy two yards, and upholstery fabric is about three times the width of dress fabric. It’s also coarse and cheap. And insulting to his model, although as far as he’s concerned, he’s being “mindful” of her special needs, saying to Gretchen that he doesn’t want his model’s size to even be a conversation topic. He’s really sort of a douche, isn’t he?

In the sewing room, Valerie and Andy trash Wimpy and his sewing skills, while Valerie sneers that the judges will tell them that they are crazy to think he can’t sew and love his work. They agree that the judges are the crazy idiots. Gretchen calls her mommy and blah blah blah time of reflection. Blah blah blah. Her mother is like a character from “Northern Exposure” but she is Gretchen’s mother, and Miz Shoes is not a person to talk trash about someone’s mother. Christopher is crushed inside for Gretchen. Gretchen and Tim are especially polite to each other as he comes in for his walkabout and Gretchen says blah blah blah. Tim tells Wimpy to edit and Michael Douche says something about size and trying to be kind. Valerie is making clothes, not fashion.

Tim’s Surprise is that they’ll have an extra day, one in which they will have a Project Runway Open House and hundreds of random people will come through and have a chance to meet them and vote on their favorite, which will influence the judges decision, but how much so is to be determined at a later date, depending, you know, on if the judges like who these people like. Some of the designers do not look happy about this.

Michael Douche is dressing the big girl in a fucking baby doll dress. Miz Shoes wants to slap him. Wimpy’s model is insisting on the black lace that Tim told him to ditch. He thinks he can make it work. The bust is lined with the ivory that was part of her ebony and ivory and rhinestone dress. Michael Douche is being a douche. April and her model are not happy together. Peach is in a panic, having cut her skirt wrong.

Life in the popular girls’ room is on display. Miz Shoes fast forwards. Peach is fatalistic and cute as a button, bless her heart. April continues to fantasize what she really wanted to say to her client. Wimpy and his model love the dress with the lace capelet bodice. Tim tells the designers to interact and wow the masses, earn their buttons in your fishbowl. The people love Wimpy, and Ivy spreads rumors that Wimpy is telling the strangers that she’s the season bitch. Michael Douche only gets one button…from the model’s sister, it would seem. Peach is adorable. Mondo’s getting buttons. Ivy continues to spread poison.

Christopher is shaving the sides of Andy’s head to give him a Mohawk, and then Andy confronts Wimpy about Ivy’s accusations. Wimpy steadfastly denies it (and there is no footage of him doing it, at least none that aired). Andy notes that that a lot of the designers are tweaking their work based on

the audience response

their own editing eyes. Peach is in the weeds. Wimpy confronts Ivy and straight up tells her he never said a word about her and his model will swear to that. Ivy is a stone bitch and says she doesn’t believe him for a second.

Time for the runway. Michael Douche is wearing a do rag. Mondo says that Michael Douche has handled his “special challenge” with grace, by which he means that MD didn’t throw a tarp over the fat girl. April is wearing her hair down.  Mondo got the most votes from the commoners at the previous night’s event. Our special guest judge is Cynthia Rowley (coolness).

Mondo’s model is from Jersey and working the Jersey/Snookie strut. Ivy’s made ivory pants and a blouson top in yellowish chiffon. Valerie’s dress looks like bad junior wear and the fit of the top is one of the worst Ever Seen on Project Runway.™  Gretchen’s Post-Apocalyptic cocktail dress with Mad Max™ boots prompts one of her minions to coo sweet nothings. Peach’s disaster of a dress is not helped by the fact that her model has apparently never seen a single episode of America’s Next Top Model and has never learned to stomp it out on the runway with wind in her hair and smize. Andy’s overdyed shorts and vest are short, but not as short as Wimpy’s very Little Black Dress. Christopher is confident. Michael Douche has made an adult woman look like a chubby, awkward girl at her bat mitzvah. Casanova has made a sand-colored blouse from Flashdance and a pair of teal blue satin toreador/motorcycle pant.  April’s black and silver grey dess is fierce and so is her model.

Casanova, April, Ivy, Andy, Gretchen are all safe. In the green room, they all talk shit about Wimpy. Michael Douche talks about his dress. Oh! Michael Kors says bat mitzvah, too. NinaGarcia is appalled by the upholstery fabric sheer that he bought for cheap. She says it looks like cheap mosquito netting. Christopher gets a little love. Cynthia Rowley loves it. Heidi likes the short, tight and shiny. Peach is savaged and there is no way to defend her. She knows it, too. Mondo claims that his model could wear “leggins” and flats with his dress. The judges think it looks tough and cool, but the Jersey Shore lo-brow styling is killing them.

Valerie is getting the same harsh treatment as Peach. Michael Kors calls her attempted color blocking unfortunate. To say the least. Cynthia Rowley explains proportions and NinaGarcia calls out the construction on the top. Heidi didn’t hate it as much as the others. Wimpy gets serious love. Even though he made a dress short enough for Heidi, the coverage of the lace at the top give it a modest look and a great proportion. MKors loves his draping at the shoulders. Miss Rowley loves the hip pocket. They all love that he turned drab dowdiness into chic edginess/edgy chicness. NinaGarcia loves his use of so many different materials.

The judges start with Wimpy’s dress and Heidi reminds everyone that the designers on Team Luxe were so universally mean to Michael C. The judges educate the viewers as to their opinion of Michael C’s skill sets and list the many virtues of the garment that was sent out. They like Christopher’s attempt to make faux organza drape. Mondo’s modern hot dress was styled like Snookie and the Flintstones, but not vulgar. Impeccable tailoring: perfect seams, perfect hems.

Valerie’s dress was a tennis dress gone very wrong. They loathed Michael Douche’s fabric. Peach is toast. Michael Kors says that she can sew well, at any rate. Gretchen, Andy and Ivy are all “if Michael C is on the top, why are we even here?” They are horrified. Wait until they find out he won and Mondo came in second. He gets immunity again. When Wimpy enters the green room and says he’s won, Ivy stone-faces “Of COURSE you did.” Gretchen confessionalizes that she is very disappointed that the judges don’t care about craftsmanship. Casanova points out that both Gretchen and Michael are twice winners. Gretchen looks for the razor blades.

Christopher is safe. Valerie is safe. Michael Douche and Peach had the two worst looks, but Michael gets to stay and Peach goes home. Don’t cry for Peach, viewers, for she has had the time of her life.  She was just jazzed to be there. April starts to cry. Mondo cries. Peach goes out in style.

Next week, resort wear, designers acting as art directors, maybe or some other form of collaboration that they don’t want and won’t be successful making work and it looks like Gretchen and her posse try to throw Michael C under yet another bus when he has immunity.

* An astute reader pointed out that it is not Bluto who will “gladly pay you on Tuesday for a hamburger today”, but Wimpy. Therefore and henceforth, we will be referring to Michael C as Wimpy.