Miz Shoes Reviews: Project Runway Season 8, Episode 7

Wow. Was that the best episode of Project Runway ever, or what? Even better than the 33 Faces of Gretchen. We open with a recap of Ivy spreading nasty rumors about Wimpy. Well, it ain’t slander if it’s true, so there’s no fault, no foul if he did say she was the bitch of the season.

April laments the loss of Peach, and has to move in with the mean girls, who pretend to make her feel welcome. In the men’s suite, Andy gets his bitch panties on and tells Wimpy that he can’t respect him as a designer because he just doesn’t know who Wimpy is. First use of “aesthetic”, so take a shot. Wimpy is gracious and tries to answer. April is gracious, and pretends to believe that the mean girls are sincere.

What the hell is Heidi wearing? Blue satin Hammer/genie pants? Were they a gift from En Nino del Infierno made with the left overs from the last challenge? While the viewer is still reeling from that, the designers are whisked away to the Hudson River to take a short spin on a tour boat. They meet Tim and Michael Kors at the dock, and MKors explains that the challenge will be to design a resort wear look, and he knows resort wear. Wimpy reminds us that he’s from Palm Springs, and has this one in the bag. Michael Knitwear loves resort wear. Mondo’s idea of resort wear is his underwear in his apartment. Miz Shoes pauses for a moment to consider that vision and shudders. On to the boat for breakfast, champagne and sketching. MKors gives everyone a pair of sunglasses from his new line. Gretchen sucks up for the cameras. Christopher and Michael Knitwear are psyched. Tim hangs on the rail for dear life, while attempting to look nonchalant.

Andy is going to go a luxury one piece and cover up. He and April are wearing the same grey nail polish. Mondo and April bond over their loser status. Miz Shoes is loving April: she is spitting image of Miz Shoes’ college best friend, Psycho Patti, although in those days she wasn’t Psycho yet. April reminds us of her diaper resort wear fiasco. Tim gives Michael Knitwear a pep talk, and he refers to his vision as a gift. Ivy buys more colorless fabric. We get a huge Swatch spotting at the five minute warning, as designers panic and just grab anything.

Back in the workroom, Tim comes in with the velvet bag of doom. Michael Knitwear hates the bag. Casanova hates the bag. Valerie hates the bag. The bag is there to pair up the designers. They will be executing each other’s design work: they will be each other’s sample rooms. Valerie is chosen first, and she gets teamed with Andy. Michael C (Wimpy) is paired with Mondo, who has just delivered a sound bite about NOBODY WANTS TO BE ON WIMPY’S TEAM and is pissed to have to take the bullet for the team. April is paired with Christopher, and they are happy because they work exactly the same way. Casanova is paired with Gretchen, who tries to put happy face on it. That leaves Ivy and Michael Knitwear, and Ivy immediately puts down his sewing skills as being nowhere on a par with her own.

Tim implies that the teams will be judged on their communication. But the designer will own the design, the sample maker is merely the sewer. Mondo starts off with Wimpy by telling him that he doesn’t want to be his partner because Wimpy’s sewing skills suck. He is an utter ass, and Wimpy just sighs and tries to get along. For all that the blogosphere has been told that Wimpy isn’t without fault, Miz Shoes knows that if she’d been in Michael C’s place with the non-stop high school shunning going on, she’d have snapped a long time ago. It would have been a Project Runway First as she attempted to stab someone through the heart with a French curve.

Andy isn’t sure that Valerie can do swimwear. Ivy is already up Michael Knitwear’s grill and he’s already looking in his head for his happy place. Gretchen is speaking slowly and clearly to Casanova, who tells us that she gives him BIG drawings, too. There is nothing wrong with my eyes, he says, and then comes to the horrible realization that Gretchen “believes that I am a retard”. Oh, honey, don’t take it so personal. Gretchen advises El Nino del Infierno on his color choices, telling him it looks old lady. She then belts out TWO “aesthetics” in one sentence. Double shot!!

Mondo and Valerie and Andy all trash Wimpy. Mondo thinks it’s going to be the end for him, this horrible, horrible, torturous working with Wimpy. Andy and Valerie and doing well. And then, the most amazing thing happens. Wimpy makes a great garment. And Mondo confesses that he had been a dick. And then he actually manned up and apologized to Wimpy. And with that he became Miz Shoes favorite contestant, except for April.

Very Special Surprise!! A guest critic, who is Michael Kors. The Dutchess is going to review the work in the workroom. Resort wear. He’s a little gay. Gretchn and Casanova. MKors says its looking a little older and a little beige. Gretchen is also making a super pallazo pant, using the same burgundy from the team challenge. MKors warns her about the color. Wimpy has done a pallazo pant jumpsuit in shiny. Mondo’s turquoise and yellow boy shorts and lime green print micro-hoodie and the green twee visor/hat and the hot pink trim on the bra top is a little too busy for Kors.

MKors and April have a bonding moment. Shorts better fit, and no ass cheek, says Michael to April. Christopher is doing a chiffon draped item. Ivy has dumbed down her designs to her idea of what Michael Knitwear’s skills are capable. All the other designers know that Ivy is a stone bitch and good luck with that. Andy and Valerie are warned that they have much work to do, and Valerie breaks down after MKors tells her to get over that cadet blue and the hideous bordeaux.

Michael Knitwear can’t sew what April designed. Valerie loses it and utters the “Going home is not an option” line. She has to talk to her mom. Crying. Drama. Michael Knitwear is resigned to being the death of Ivy. Mondo realizes again that he was a jerk, and now he and Wimpy are BFFs. The designers will have ten minutes before the show to take back their work. April checks for ass cheeks on the model as she walks and instructs Christopher to drop the short to cover all of their asses. Ivy is a stone bitch and is perched on Michael Knitwear’s shoulder like Snoopy when he’s a vulture. Her crazy is radiating off of her in waves. And as soon as Tim says that they can switch positions, they are in each other’s chairs.

Runway. Heidi comes out in the bedazzeled version of last week’s winning dress. Judges are Michael Kors, NinaGarcia and Kristin Bell, “sytlish American Actess”. Miz Shoes is glad that someone told her. Wimpy’s jumpsuit comes out first, simply styled and well made. Mondo’s kicky Malibu Barbie beach wear. Micheal Knitwear’s black linen sheath with a glittery bikini bra under it. Ivy’s white and celadon boring nothing thing. Christopher’s chiffon top and super-fitted Bermuda shorts. April can tailor. April’s little hot pant and bondage and baby doll top is amazing. El Nino del Infierno’s look is camel palazzo pants and an ivory, low boatneck blouse with a bubble hem and a wide waistband of cotton crochet lace. Gretchen has made a slip-topped jumpsuit pallazo pants cum genie pants. Valerie’s shorts and best are meh, and she isn’t happy with how Andy sewed it. But Andy’s design is sewn beautifully, and those fabrics are perfect together and rich looking. And Andy’s model can walk the shit out of anything.

Andy, Casanova, Mondo, April, Ivy, Michael Knitwear are called out. They are the tops and bottoms. Andy, April and Michael have the high scores. The bottoms are sent back to the green room. We hear about Mondo’s underwear again. April defends her look by using “aesthetic”. Drink!!! Michael Kors is in love. Tough, punk baby doll. Hot but not vulgar. MKors appreciates the panty with no ass. Kristin Bell would wear it on the red carpet.

Andy allows that being from Hawaii, he is familiar with resort wear. Heidi finds it commercial, but in a yachting about the Mediterranean way. NinaGarcia loves the fabric and the expensive look. MKors loves the suit. Michael Knitwear thanks Ivy for her skills, and Ivy is a stone bitch and tries to throw him on anyone’s sword. Effortless and ageless agree Kristin and NinaGarcia about his design, though.

Mondo says that he’s never seen a resort and has no clue and NinaGarcia slaps that excuse like a mosquito. MKors uses the word “aesthetic” and Miz Shoes pretends not to hear it, thereby skipping the fifth shot. Junior wear. Wimpy praises working with Mondo and says that it was the “funnest” challenge. Mondo returns the love and admits that he was a dick before.

Ivy immediately says that her design sucks because Michael Knitwear can’t sew and had huge imitations. MKors says that he saw what she had on her fabric table. NinaGarcia says that she has the chops, but not the design skills. Wimpy says that Ivy is a stone bitch, and she is. Wimpy makes faces in the background as Ivy is a stone bitch.

Casanova loves his look and says that it was inspired by his grandmother. And now the judges pile on about how old the look is. Miz Shoes respectfully disagrees. It looks like it would be the nicest outfit on the page in a Soft Surroundings catalog. The model would be bone thin and elegant and have silver hair, but would probably be all of 45 in real life. Miz Shoes would look at the page and think the outfit handsome and realize that outside of certain parts of Texas, nobody wears that stuff. So. Yeah, grandmotherly, if your grandmother is 55 and plays tennis at the club every afternoon.

OMG. Mondo and Wimpy are sitting together on the couch, arms around each other’s shoulders. How sweet. The judges love Andy’s bathing suit and cover up. They love Michael Knitwear’s piece, and talk about how he was able to clearly explain what he wanted. April’s babydoll is hot, cool and wearable. Mondo’s work is called K-Mart. Ivy is recognized as a stone bitch and the judges agree that while she can sew, she is no designer. NinaGarcia wants to know where the middle ground is for Casanova, because everything he does is either Madonna or Whore.

Michael Knitwear is sent off the runway, safe. He is relieved not to have won, because he wants to be able to sleep. Heidi praises April for creating a piece that is true to her “aesthetic” and oh, please. Miz Shoes concedes the game. She cannot drink a shot every time someone on this show utters the word aesthetic. Andy’s work is dramatic, wearable and April wins. The green room explodes in applause and hugs and tears. April is so cute. Andy is in. Mondo is in, and runs off the runway like a scalded cat. Ivy is called out for being a neurotic bitch. Casanova is called out for designing for his grandmother. Ivy is in, and is encouraged to wow the judges next time, or there won’t be another chance. Ivy pretends not to want to kill Michael Knitwear, but Miz Shoes would keep one eye open. April is sad. Casanova gets a lovely montage of his greatest hits.

Tim is sad to say goodbye to Casanova. Hugs. Ball grabbing. Next week, Jackie O would not wear goth.