MizShoes Reviews: Project Runway, Season 7, Episode 12

We open on the men’s dorm room, where three of them are singing a morning song in falsetto, whilst Seth Aaron clutches his head. MizShoes feels his pain.

Mila, despite having devoured Maya’s soul and sent her fleeing for her life, is still droning on and on in an atonal manner devoid of affect.

“Blahblahblahvisualizingbeingthefinalistblahblahblah.”

Heidi tell the designers that they will be taking one last field trip to a tent which is not in Bryant Park, but will get them there… or at least, only three who are still in the competition. The reality is different than the reality show, so let’s pretend that she’s right.

Coney Island! The Ringling Brothers Barnum and Bailey Circus!!! Tim in the center ring! Designers of all ages clapping their hands in delight and wonder. Water! Feathers! Acrobats! Clownsare going to eat me! Miz Shoes loves the circus, despite the presence of clowns. Today, the designers will be treated to a special show (lucky bastards) and their final challenge is to design a high-end runway look inspired by the show. Mila claims to have been hoping that they’d be going to the circus. Jay is mesmerized by the well-muscled, well-oiled torsos of the half-naked male acrobats, as well he should be. Seth Aaron is mesmerized by the motorcyclists whizzing by each other in the Wall of Death, as well he should be.

They have half an hour to sketch, $300 at Mood and a final two days to sew. Emilio is going to go with stripes, polka dots and scale. He was in the theater, you know. He has an edge, you know. Mila is inspired by the ringmaster’s costume and so is going to make another basic pant, another basic top and one last coat that will constitute the entire look, no doubt in black and white and color blocked. Anthony loved the girl on the high rope, and wants to bring that sense of weightlessness and movement to the runway. Jay returns to his personal well, the pants with volume on the hip and thigh, although in this instance he claims inspiration from the clown pants, and a jacket. Seth Aaron is in his element. Tim tells Anthony to pump up the volume.

In the workroom, Emilio and Mila are annoying each other. Emilio is all blahblahblahI’mthebestblahblahblah and Mila is rolling her eyes and going, what an ego you have Mr. Kettle, and Emilio is making choo-choo train noises and gloating over his string of wins and blahblahblah. MizShoes thinks those two deserve each other. Anthony looks around the workroom and he’s the only one using blue. Jay gets a foreshadowing edit of “Oh, would it suck to get this close and not go.” Emilio is doing something with stripes that he thinks is brilliant.

Tim comes for his walkabout (engage with me) and has to clutch his pearls when Seth Aaron tells him that he’s thinking of making a top hat to go with his ringmaster-inspired coat. Emilio is engineering (choo-choo) his black and white look with a Watteau back (cut to Mila rolling her eyes, because she didn’t think of saying something classically referential first). Tim chokes and asks how Emilio could go to the fucking CIRCUS and come out with a look in black and white. Where is the color? Emilio disses Tim and tells him not to worry, little man, I’ve got this. BlahblahLISTENTOTIM,ASSHOLEblahblahblah. Tim tells Anthony to let his viscera rule. Anthony blinks rapidly.  Mila is doing shiny. A shiny coat over a shiny pair of tight pants. She’s planning on using ivory at the neck and Tim tells her to ditch it and use the stripes instead. She immediately sees how she can color block stripes and so listens to Tim. Jay explains his clown pants and military jacket and there is gay merriment as he and Tim decide who’s the good bitch or the bad bitch.

Jay gets another loser edit as he talks about the faith his friends and family have in him. Emilio sews ruffles. Seth Aaron isn’t sure about Mila’s shiny, shiny, shiny. Anthony thinks that there is a lot of costume in the room, and goes over to Jay to tell him that his jacket looks like a Michael Jackson jacket (which it does, but, dude, play nice, eh?). Mila says it looks like a Michael Jackson jacket, but nobody expects her to play nice.

Morning of the show, and Mila pretends to show emotion by playing back the “I’m nervous as hell” chip on her speech program. Emilio says blahblahblahwhimsysexydramablahblahblah. Mila says that Jay and Anthony need to go home. Jay says that Mila doesn’t have what it takes to do a show, but then he loathes her as a human, so that may have colored his opinion somewhat. With 10 minutes to show time, Seth Aaron is freakin, Mila is atonal and Emilio is insufferable.

Heidi comes out in a giant print that probably couldn’t be shown on teevee in prime time, or maybe that’s just my Freudian interpretation of those hairy pink vertical ovals. Something about a double elimination tonight. Judges are Michael Kors, Ninagarcia and Cynthia Rowley, who may or may not be wearing the same pink satin pillowcase Heidi was wearing when she announced the challenge.

Jay’s model walks out in tight black pants and a Michael Jackson waiter’s jacket. Mila has paired her hot pink cigarette pants with an electric yellow tank top and a black and white striped ringmaster’s long-tail coat. The coat’s stand up collar is backed in the same hot pink satin. Anthony’s blue dress has an unfortunate line of gathering up the front of the model’s stomach, a plunging neckline and oversized ruffles for sleeves. Except for the sad attempt at ruching, the skirt is pretty much the same as last week’s black and white cookie dress. Emilio sends out a Moulin Rouge (Jose Ferrer version) can-can dress with stripes and polka dots and a short front and a Watteau back and more stripes and declares that his look is not costume, but couture. Seth Aaron’s version of the ringmaster jacket is black and white stripes with yellow trim. The sleeves are great sweeping, swooping bells that extend a good foot beyond the model’s finger tips. The pants are red leather.

Heidi loves Seth Aaron’s look. Ninagarcia finds it a tad costumey, but loved the fantasy elements of it. Cynthia Rowley finds it interesting. Michael Kors calls out the crazy crotch and suggests that Seth Anthony could fill it out better, if you know what he means. Miz Shoes DOES know what he means and finds it a little creepy that MK went there, if you know what she means. And then another Project Runway first. Michael Kors is so appalled at the fabric that Anthony used that he goes up and feels it. Dropping the fabric like it was hot, he shrieks: it’s POLYESTER!!1!!, which prompt Heidi to run up and feel it, too. And with that, the entire world knows that Anthony is so not going to Bryant Park.

Mila gets a little love from Michael, but Cynthia Rowley thinks the color should have been toned down and Ninagarcia simply says that she hates it. Emilio gets petted and fawned over as Heidi finds the dress stunning, and MK says (echoing exactly what Emilio predicted in the workroom) that it is his favorite garment of the entire season. Blahblahblahgushgushgushblahblahblah. Next the obligatory why should you go and who should go with you segment. Seth Aaron says he’s well-grounded and can design and he’d want Emilio and Jay to go with him. Jay pleads that he really can do this and that Seth Aaron has a strong point of view and that he’d need to share the moment with his BFF Anthony. Sniffle, sniffle. Mila is strong and thoughtful and it’s her time and she doesn’t want to throw the fight and get a one-way ticket to Palookaville.

She’d like to take Emilio and Seth Aaron, and in a fair fight, she might win, if she uses her android strength. Emilio thinks they should just anoint him the winner already because of his genius and skills, but to throw a sop to the requirement of another two episodes, his majesty will graciously allow Seth Aaron and Mila to continue. It doesn’t matter what Anthony says, because he used polyester.

The judges continue to ponder. Emilio was sophisticated, but Seth Aaron not as much. Still, Seth Aaron never played it safe. He was innovative. The judges are all curious as to what he would do as a collection. It wouldn’t bore Nina, whatever it was. Anthony used polyester. Michael Kors says that Mila’s work is flat (sort of like her voice and her hair). She isn’t always relevant, but she can tailor. Jay’s work is a matter of taste and who is he as a designer? Miz Shoes says, he’s the guy who wants to put turkey legs on women everywhere.

In the biggest shock of Project Runway, ever, they declare Emilio as their unanimous favorite. Emilio says that he’s humble, inside. Seth Aaron has shown time and time again how creative he is, and his tailoring is consistently good. He goes backstage and engages in a pillow fight with Emilio. Miz Shoes is mesmerized. Back on the runway, Anthony is told that he won some good challenges to win, but that DUDE, POLYESTER???????? Go home and consider your sins. Mila was impressive throughout, except for tonight, when she was disappointing. Jay played it safe when he shouldn’t have. So, instead of a double elimination, we’re going to have you both create collections, but only one of you will show and compete at Bryant Park. (Remember, this is a reality show, not reality.)

Next week, Tim visits the designers in their homes and tells Seth Aaron to rethink, Mila that her work looks matronly and Emilio tells the audience that he doesn’t give a rat’s pattootie what Tim Gunn says about anything. Oh, please. ALWAYS LISTEN TO TIM GUNN.