Project Runway: Miz Shoes Reviews

Reunion Show! Yeah! The prodigals return and we learn that:

1.) Angela is wearing a stupid purple necktie made of....wait for it....
Signature Angela Fleurchons!!!!

We also learn that:

2.) Laura has more than black and white in her closet: she also has red, and it looks fabulously glamorous on her.

3.) Robert is still boring

4.) Vincent is still insane

5.) Michael got braces, and now he's going to be cuter than ever. He was also the fan favorite (Shocked! I'm shocked to learn this.)

6.) Jeffrey-the-Pinheaded-Shmoo is still an arrogant ass hole and he never apologized to Angela's mother for being an abusive dick head to her. (Shocked! I'm shocked to learn this.) JTPS is still a nasty excuse for a human being, no matter how hard they try to give him a redemption arc.

Other things we learn are that Kayne and Angela are still utterly clueless as to why they lost. Angela asked NinaGarcia if her back story in the doggie challenge had been different, would she still have been so harshly critiqued. NinaGarcia, Michael Kors and Heidi all choked and tried to explain that ugly hootchie momma is ugly hootchie momma whether you are a camp councillor at Jubilee Jumbles or working 8th Avenue behind Times Square. (Well. That may have dated me. That particular section of Manhattan may be very nice now. But you get the general tenor of their replies.) Kayne asked if he'd used different fabric in his couture challenge, if he'd not been auf'ed. Except for the reference to hootchie momma, pretty much the same answer. To paraphrase the noted fashion critic Gertrude Stein, an ugly design is an ugly design is an ugly design.

Bradley cleans up nicely. (Shocked! I'm shocked to learn this.)

In other news, Keith thinks that he was set up by the producers, because HIS contract apparently didn't have the same language about design and pattern books that all the other designers had in their contracts. At least he never read it. Keith Malfoy can also do the Manson lamps. Keith also claims that the whole brouhaha over his leaving the set without leave was bogus because one of the production assistants told him it was ok. Actually, what he said was that he complained about the brouhaha to one of the PAs and they showed him where the door was. Which, if you think about it, probably did happen. As in, Dude, you are such an unmitigated ass, there's the door and don't let it hit you on the way out.

We discover that half the time the designers don't know what Tim Gunn is talking about because they only have visual vocabularies, and don't understand words of more than three syllables. Pity that, because part of what makes Tim Gunn the sexiest man on the planet is that he CAN use those words correctly.

Heidi and Laura are both hugely pregnant and took pot shots at the size of each other's bellies. Trust me when I say that the exchange was much cuter than it sounds. Laura does not own a pair of blue jeans. Tim Gunn does. Laura wears jodphers and riding boots when she goes casual. We saw that during the dog challenge and the garbage challenge and I made snarky comments about it then. But, remember, this is Laura, who came to the Atlas with matching Louis Vuitton cases. Sigh. She's my idol. In the previews we see her say, as she leaves the Atlas to prepare her show: "Oh, I've already produced a line of kids, I ought to be able to produce a line of clothes." Bwahahahaha. Oh. Laura. Will you be my BFF?

That was pretty much it. Nina Garcia's legs look better when she's sitting. Michael Kors needs to lay off the self-tanner, because he's starting to look like Jay Manuel AKA Little Orange Man from ANTM.

Next week we see Tim Gunn visit the designers in their natural (or in the case of Jeffrey-the-Pinheaded-Shmoo, UNnatural) habitats. Laura points out that of the four designers, JTPS is the only one with not so much as a button left to sew on when he gets back to NYC for fashion week. He is also the only one from all three seasons to make that claim. There will be drama! There will be nastiness! There will be cat fighting? Maybe? Please? Will Laura take her perfectly manicured little hand and slap the ugly right off of him? One can only hope.