The Rule of Gross Tonnage

"The United States Coast Guard has a rule of thumb its members call the "rule of gross tonnage." It basically states that the bigger boat gets the right-of-way."

Yep. The bigger the boat, the more right of way. Maybe that's why people in SUVs drive like they own the road. Maybe they all drive citing the Rule of Gross Tonnage. It's my theory, anyway.

Today, I was forced to drive to work, something that I just dread. But it was a magnificent morning, the air was cool, traffic wasn't too obnoxious, and the sun was shining in spangles through the trees, as I took the back roads to the hospital.

I was cut off in the middle of a traffic circle by some a-hole in a Lincoln Navigator, who felt that he could merge into my lane despite the fact that I, in my little VW, already occupied that space.

Maybe he couldn't see me way down there, so close to the ground, or maybe he was driving according to the Rule of Gross Tonnage. But the fact that he was in a Lincoln SUV gave rise to this new take on the old gross tonnage law: in an auto, gross tonnage refers to the amount of money you spent on the thing you are driving. The more you spent, the more right of way you have. That would explain a lot about the kind of cars that cut me off in traffic, merge into my lane even when there is no room to do so, why someone will think it's ok to whip in to a parking space I'm clearly waiting for (complete with indicator light blinking) and like that. I drive a cheap car, there for I have less right of way.

And let me rant a little about the fact that Lincoln makes an SUV. (Aside: doesn't everyone?) What ever happened to playing to your strengths? Lincolns have been the gold standard for American luxury autos since they were being built on carriage frames. So why, why, why, would you try to make that leap to station wagon on steroids? Why not just continue with what made you famous? And another thing: why would anyone on this planet need an SUV with a turbo engine, manufactured by Porsche? If you wanted a Porsche, why would you want anything other than its flagship car, the 911? And why does Porsche manufacture any of its vehicles with an automatic transmission? If you are driving what I consider to be one of the finest sports cars in the world, why would you have an automatic? Must I remind you that the stick is to driving what bareback is to horses? Ultimate oneness with the beast.

Well, anyway... The Rule of Gross Tonnage. The more gross tonnage, the more right of way, or the modern version, the more you gross, the more right of way you have.