Today’s Trifecta
Yesterday was one of those stupid Hallmark holidays, specifically it was Administrative Assistants' Day, or Secretary's Day before everybody and the dog catcher had to have more "professional" titles.This was the first one I ever spent as an Executive Assistant, having been a real professional for the first 30 of my working years. I always remembered the secretaries, because the truth of global industry is that they run the world.
Yesterday, the only person to remember me was the office supplies vendor, who brought me a new gel pen (with a double-wide tip and indelible ink to prevent identity fraud) and a sample of new, improved sticky notes.
Everyone else just piled on work and climbed on my ass like it was the cross-town jitney.
I bought myself flowers on the way home so that I wouldn't be the only secretary on the train without a gift in my hand. How pathetic is that?
IN DREAMS
I have a great dream life. I was shocked to discover that other people don't always or necessarily dream in color. My dreams are always technicolor, tactile, wide-screen, dolby surround sound, special effects laden e-ticket rides. And they alway have been.
I can't tell you the number of psychologists I've amused with tales of my REM. I've had dreams where, at the end, I watch the credits roll up. I've had dreams that continued across a number of evenings, picking up like a TV mini-series from night to night. I fly.
I've taught myself lucid dreaming, and even then, continue to play with my own head because I can never quite tell if I'm asleep or awake or somewhere in between.
But last night, oh, last night I two-timed my long-standing dream boyfriend, Bob Dylan, and had a torrid affair with Anthony Bourdain. HOT! HOT! HOT! So hot, that I woke up and considered molesting the RLA at 3:10 am.
Yeah, TMI, huh?
The Meme
This came from Delamuerta last month, and I ignored it until I was sufficiently bored. The results are either hysterical or perplexing.
Instructions: Set your iTunes to shuffle. Ask the following question aloud one at a time, pressing play once after each question. Use the song titles as the answers to the questions. No cheating.
Q) How does the world see you?
A) Rave On - Buddy Holly (Really? I'd never guess.)
Q)Will I have a happy life?
A) Why's Love Got To Be So Sad? - Derek & the Dominos (A question I never tire of asking.)
Q) What do my friends really think of me?
A) Moon Shadow - Cat Stevens (I don't get it.)
Q) Do people secretly lust after me?
A) Give It Up Or Let Me Go - Bonnie Raitt (Hmmph.)
Q) How can I make myself happy?
A) Thunder Road - Bruce Springsteen (Always cheers me up.)
Q) What should I do with my life?
A) I Never Loved A Man (The Way That I Love You) - Aretha Franklin (Huh?)
Q) Will I ever have children?
A) Sheena Is A Punk Rocker - The Ramones (schnort)
Q) What is some good advice for me?
A) I've Loved These Days - Billy Joel (O.K. Sure. Can I still hate the living, though?)
Q) How will I be remembered?
A) Baby Mine - Bette Midler (The lullaby from Dumbo? Huh?)
Q) What is my signature song?
A) We're All Bozos On This Bus - Firesign Theater (bwahahahahahahahahaha)
Q) What do I think my current theme song is?
A) Beautiful World - Devo (It's a beautiful world we live in...)
Q) What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
A) Visions of Johanna - Bob Dylan (Jewels and binoculars hang from the head of the mule?)
Q) What song will play at my funeral?
A) Dixie Chicken - Little Feat (That's cool.)
Q) What type of men do I like?
A) Not Dark Yet - Bob Dylan (It's not dark yet, but it's getting there... old geezers?)
Q) What is my day going to be like?
A) City of Gold - Dixie Hummingbirds (Uh, no.)
You’re not alone, Rookie. I didn’t get anything either. Although one of my bosses is taking me to lunch at Neiman Marcus in Merrick Park today (after all, it is Administrative Professionals Week), and the other has promised a Home Depot gift card (always in style), but has not yet delivered. I haven’t gotten flowers in years.
Between you, me, and the wall, however, I’m not so sure that I don’t take some exception at your term, “real professional”. Webster defines “professional” as: “having a particular profession as a permanent career.” A profession being defined as: “vocation, or employment.” While we may have dreams of being self-sufficiently self-employed and not answering to anyone but ourselves, this is what I have been doing to pay the bills since college. That makes it my profession. To many people, I am “just” a secretary. Are there more powerful people in the world? You bet. Do I want to be one of them? Not necessarily. There are people flipping burgers at McDonald’s who would love to do what we do for the money we make.
In its current incarnation, I know for a fact that
what I do frequently makes a difference in people’s lives. I have the thank-you cards and letters from clients and their families to prove it.
I am a real professional, kid. So are you, whether you like it or not.
You know, after loading up on a bunch of theory from the patriarchy, and then juxtaposing it with a few essays from the Feminist side, I have to say it’s interesting someone brought you a pen. Women “writers” are supposed to feel a “dis-ease” when we try to conquer the world…in place of that Oedipus complex men feel towards their male writing predecessors…ah, sex.