Longtime readers may remember my posts from December, when I was in a crash course for ColdFusion. When the instructor asked what our expectations were, I said I expected to be reduced to tears at least three times.

That was then, this is now. The time has finally come for me to convert the hospital's web site from GoLive to Dreamweaver. I can't get the test server to run right. I can't get the text to line up right. I can't add line padding where I want it. I can't remember dick about what I learned in that class last December, except that I can calculate my age in dog years, and my instructor spoke with a very interesting Pakistani accent.

I'm fighting with the code. I'm fighting with the cascading style sheets. I'm fighting ennui. I'm staring out the window and wondering how I ended up designing web sites when all I ever wanted to do with my life was be an artist.

I have foot-high stack of books and I'm trying to figure out how to do everything I knew how to do in GoLive. This is why I'm such a huge fan of Adobe products. The interface is easy and intuitive. Things work. Drop and drag is active across the board. There are no unexpected results like an "onmouseover" command when you want it to be an "onmouseclick" command. Adobe makes sense to me, because whoever writes their programming code does so using the same logic I would use if I were writing it.

Macromedia seems to be written in another language and then translated to English and then to code. I just don't get it. But I will. I have to.

Did I mention that a friend gave me a hip flask? It's really more of a garter flask from the Roaring Twenties. I may have to start wearing garters to work.

It has been beastly hot here in the Magic City... which is, I think, what the Chamber of Commerce calls Miami. Ninety degrees and ninety percent humidity. Water is in suspension in the air, which is almost body temperature. Periodically the air cannot hold any more water in suspension and it rains. This gives no relief from the heat, it just makes everyone even wetter. The asphalt is so hot that once the rain stops, the steam just rises from the streets, putting the hot water back into suspension. This phenomenon happens even after dark, when it becomes quite lovely to watch... from inside the air-conditioned living space.

This morning, there were waterspouts over the Bay. We could see them from our office windows.

This is very scary. I made up my list of the concerts I remember seeing, where I remember the name of the group. I ended the list by saying until I found the box of ticket stubs, that would have to do.

This weekend I found the box of ticket stubs. Uh, how do you explain that I have a ticket from Emerson Lake and Palmer from Madison Square Garden, with my handwriting on the back, and no recollection at fucking all of ever having seen them perform? Yeah, I know. That's pretty much the ONLY explanation. Nor do I remember going to see David Bowie, but there is my ticket stub. Not a whole ticket, but one which was torn in half.

There were a number of stubs from the Bottom Line or the Other End, with no notes, and no names. I saw somebody. Maybe they are already on the list. Who knows.

And then there are the stubs with only half a name. Hen--- Henry Higgins? What rocker is named Henry? Or group? Not Herman's Hermits. Not Don Henley. Not Harry Chapin. Henr---. Well, now I'm totally stumped.

So I guess until I pull out my old journals, and try to match entries and dates, the list will remain incomplete and my memory will continue to be like swiss cheese.

Mind like a steel sieve, I swear.

I am probably one of the only people you'll ever meet who loves to be surveyed. I'm always screaming when I see poll results: "Who ARE these people? Why didn't anyone ask ME what I think?" Well, darlings, last night was a dream come true for me. The phone rang while I was prepping for dinner. (No, not dressing, chopping and dicing and prepping to cook) It was a survey about my bank.

The voice on the other end sounded plump, cute and all of eighteen. I envisioned a college student working for her tuition, as opposed to just putting up a webcam and taking money from perverts. Not that there's anything wrong with that. And, let's be honest here, something I would have entertained as a viable means of income during my college days. It would have come under Fields' First Law: It is immoral to allow a sucker to keep his money. But I digress. The truth is more likely she was some 89 year old grandmother in a cheap mobile home doing this to keep from eating cat food. But to me, she sounded like a sweet young thing (hereinafter referred to as SYT) and I immediately decided to help her earn her keep for the night.

The survey was all about my new MINI credit card: the kind you're supposed to snap on your keychain and use for everything. I did snap it on my keychain. And I am using it. The SYT asked me if I was using it. I said yes. She asked why. I told her because it's cute.

She asked if I found it convenient. I told her yes, especially when going to concerts, because post 9-11, regular purses are frowned upon, if not downright disallowed in concert venues. I have taken to carrying one of these (except in a lovely green wool plaid, not logo. NEVER logo). And I asked the SYT if she was familiar with the product. Then I launched into a whole detailed explanation of the purselet, the contents of it when I go to a concert and why it is just the best thing in the world. I could hear the SYT's fingers just flying on her keyboard. That made me so happy.

Then the SYT asked me if I wanted to be entered in a drawing to maybe possibly win money. Well, who says no to money? Not me. I said sure. She asked me for an e-mail address. I gave her my webmistress address and encouraged her to visit Girlyshoes. "You can even sign my guestmap!" I was just as cute and chirpy as she was.

But then, the phone visit was over, and she had to go back to cold calling and getting hung up on and I had to finish my chicken stew.

This should probably go to the rants section of my site, and not linger here in the blog world, but you know, it's on my mind now.

What happened to car washes and bake sales and even those horrible candy sales and wrapping paper sales as a means of teaching children to work for their money?

Back in my day, which was, granted, somewhere along the year God invented dirt, if the school band needed money to go to a marching band competition (and lord knows, THAT wasn't very likely in my high school), all the band members got together with the sponsor/teacher and went to a gas station and held a car wash. The cute girls stood on the side of the road in their bikinis, holding hand made signs offering to wash your car for a buck or five.

There were plenty of dusty cars, and much more splashing and bonding and general horsing around and everyone had a great time and money was made. Earned.

Maybe the band mothers baked brownies and cookies and you held a bake sale on the school grounds or out side of the local grocery store.

In any event, the students did something to earn the money they were asking for. But no more. If I see one more group of kids standing in the middle of traffic, under the watchful eye of their personal Fagen, holding out a cup asking for spare change, I am going to just lose it.

I've already started offending little Boy Scouts when they hold their little mitts out at the grocery store and ask for change. (Not even the decency to sell yummy cookies like the Girl Scouts.) I'll squat down to get eye to eye with them, and then I'll tell them, that , no, they won't be getting change from me because the Boy Scouts of America don't allow little gay Boy Scouts and that kind of prejudice is unacceptable to me and my money. And the adult in charge just looks daggers at me and has to explain.

But this begging thing has gone too far. It was one thing when it was a bunch of hunky firemen holding out a big rubber boot. Gimmicky, clever and infrequent. But the weekly barrage of begging children, asking for money for new soccer balls, or uniforms, or what ever is just too much. And half of these aren't even school sponsored, they are community-based leagues.

Well correct my crabby ass if I'm wrong, but if Mommy and Daddy are putting their kids into an after school sports league, isn't it their responsiblity to buy the freaking soccer balls?

And what about standing in the middle of US-1? What responsible adult thinks sticking teenagers and even younger kids in a busy 6-lane intersection is a good idea? With their hands out, asking for spare change.

I say no. Even the bums under the bridges offer to wipe a filthy rag across my windshield in exchange for a quarter. You want to teach kids the value of money? Make them work for it, not beg for it.

Yesterday's Metrorail ride provided me with one of the strangest visions ever. There was a disturbed young man, talking to himself with passion and vehemence. That in and of itself is not unusual. However, this particular young man was doing so in American Sign Language. It was apparently quite a heated conversation. I was transfixed, but didn't want to be rude and stare. Good thing I have great peripheral vision.

Then in the evening, as planned we went to see The Bob.

He didn't touch a guitar during his set, just stood at the electric keyboard in a wide-legged, Jerry Lee Lewis type stance, and banged out some fierce boogie woogie. He never ceases to amaze and delight me. The arena was less than half full, since the main show was the Dead, and the Deadheads were all out in the parking lot carny getting their highs synchronized.

These are my notes:
Scenes from a Dead Show
The scent of patchouli hits you as you enter the arena.

The middle-aged tie-dyed stoners sucking face, no -- tongue wrestling in the row in front of me, pausing to watch their hand trails.

A sea, a veritable sea, of tie dye.

Hemp jewelry. LED buttons. A beach ball, and then another and another, each larger than the last.

Tie dyed heads on cell phones, taking pictures of the crowd, just talking through the show.

Road worn Dead carnies from the tent city along side the arena.

Bad hair style and fake boobs, a no-longer-young woman skips through the audience with her teen daughter pushing along in front.

Leathery, stretch-marked bellies exposed between halter tops and low rider jeans. Grey pony tails and matching beards.

Babies with ear plugs and a very pregnant woman in black.

Tattoos. Lots and lots and lots of tattoos, but not so much body piercing.

Repeated shouts from around the arena: "See you in Tampa", "Tampa next", "I'm gonna skip Dylan tomorrow."

Do-rags and hairy shoulders. An Uncle Sam in full regalia. Top hats, Cat-in-the-Hat hats, jester hats with tails and bells, Rasta crocheted over sized tams.

A firecracker.

The word SKANK floats across my consciousness. A mullet in a tie-dye button up camp shirt.

And the "dancing". I'd forgotten about the Deadhead dance. Both feet planted firmly on the floor (I guess cause they're so stoned they'd fall over if they moved one or both) knees bend, tusch out, a little bounce... very much like Beavis and Butthead danced. This dance, which they all do, has much more in common with davening in an Orthodox shul than it does with anything I consider dancing, even if it's just basic shake yer groove thang.

I still dislike Deadheads.