Isn't it amazing how fast jokes can propagate?

I just recieved that from my cousin up the coast.

I'm a touch busy, so I'll just give you the name of my new favorite author. You can look him up yourselves, write the book reviews for me, what ever you like. But he is just brilliant, and laugh-out-loud funny.

Jasper Fforde.

And there's your proof. The devil and his brother handing out ice and water in hell.

I believe that there are signs from higher powers all around us, if we only look. For example, an ex-friend of mine insisted on getting married. She didn't care to whom, but she was particularly challenged by one man who very much did not want to marry her. She eventually wore him down, and they wed. They also divorced, not more than two years later, after having never lived together as man and wife, and after both had had affairs with lab assistants at their respective research labs.

We all told her that this was a bad idea, and even (if you believe in such an entity) God weighed in on the subject by:
1. On the arrival of her parents from Taiwan, they were robbed of all their money and the heirloom wedding jewelry. Between the cab and the front door of the hotel, a distance of not more than 10 feet, and of course nothing was ever recovered, and no one was ever charged with the crime.

2. The next day, someone at the bridal shower was contagious with one of the worst, most virulent flus anyone had ever seen. And the seafood salad may have been bad. The upshot was that most of the wedding party was puking and running 104 degree fevers right up until the wedding took place.

Coincidence or sign from above? You decide.

To bring this back to the photo at the top of this entry, consider this:

1. Both Jeb and Dubya insist that they serve by the preference of God. They both point constantly to the higher power that guides their decisions. Even Pat Robertson has decreed that Dubya is God's chosen leader for America.

2. Jeb had this to say about Hurricane Charley : "God doesn't follow the linear projections of computer models," the governor said outside the Punta Gorda emergency management center, whose roof caved in during the hurricane. "This is God's way of telling us that he's almighty and we're mortal."

3. Following that storm, Frances slogged across the state in the opposite direction, making a perfect "X" across the peninsula. Sort of crossing it out?

4. Now, Hurricane Ivan, stronger than the two that preceded it, is preparing to rip the state a new asshole.

Hubris? God's way of saying "Nuh-uh, don't be pinning your shit on me, Bushboys."? I think so. Yes, I do. I just wish that I wasn't in the way of that point being made.

Maybe it's the funeral. Maybe it's the threat of Hurricane Ivan. Maybe it's my general indigo funk, malaise and bad attitude, but I put together a little playlist I call "Easy for me to listen to".

Sample tracks include Tom Waits' "Waltzing Matilda" (live), Bob Dylan & Paul Simon (live) "Sounds of Silence" and the Ramones "Sheena is a Punk Rocker."

In fact, the majority of the songs in this list are live tracks from the Bob, or Tom or any number of other male artists with terrible voices that I love so true.

But, in the ever wobbly balance of my life, I just ordered tickets to see the Indigo Girls in late October at a fabulous little jewel box of a Deco-era theater in downtown Miami.

The final reports from my family up the coast are in. One cousin lost a section of his roof, another lost merely soffits under the eaves. Still another, who was up in the heaviest weather, lost nothing. My brother lost his pool enclosure, his big tree and his mother in law.

I'm off to her funeral.

Whee.

Here's the stats: Hours without power- 25; Hours without phone service - 6-10 (I'm not sure when it went off, or when it came back on. But it was on at 9 this morning and off by noon, first phone call came around 7 tonight.)Trees down in my yard - none, branches many. Billboard across the street - down.

But the RLA and I went through Andrew, so we know what to do. Let me rephrase that: I know what to do. I sleep. Deep, profound, glorious sleep such as can only be had in a very dark, very quiet room. Wind and rain do not, in my opinion, constitute noise. Even loud wind and rain. The RLA likes to go out and play in the weather. He even rode his bicycle around the neighborhood yesterday during one of my naps. I also read a wonderful book (just a little bit of a ghost story) by candle light.

We put on the generator, and the koi had air and a working fountain. They were happy.

This morning, I lit the gas stove (not the camp stove, my big ass restaurant style gas stove) using a match, and boiled water in my vintage Michael Graves teapot, and made coffee in the Bodum French press. We are civilized people here, dammit.

And that, friends is how I spent my last 4 days.

As Hurricane Frances bears down on the South Florida coast, giving weathermen* no clue as to where she'll make landfall, I'd like to share some of my family's hurricane history.

1935- Or '34, by the time my father told me this story, he couldn't remember the date. It was the big monster that destroyed the overseas railroad (Flagler's Folly) to the Keys. It was the height of the depression, and there were veterans working on the building the overseas highway. My father was a teenager, and he was recruited in the aftermath of the storm (coincidentally, a Labor Day storm)to help with the clean up. He told me it was horrible. "We were pulling the bodies out of the trees." He always took hurricanes seriously.

1948 or 49 - My brother was a baby, and my parents lived in a little apartment in downtown Stuart. They had to evacuate during the storm. When they came back, the window over my brother's crib had been broken, the lace curtain torn to shreds, neatly braided and a knot tied in the end. By the storm winds. We still have it.

1964 or 65 - My brother goes out after a storm with his buddy on the buddy's motorcycle. They hit debris. My brother destroys his kneecap and is in a hip cast for months. It was the only time he ever got an "A" in phys.ed. He was handing out towels. I'd laugh more, but the only time I ever got an "A" in phys.ed. was the semester I broke a toe and handed out towels. I got the last laugh, though. I later had to have my shoulder repaired due to sports injury.

1969 - I am in marine science summer camp on Big Pine Key. Hurricane Camille passes by Key West on its way to making history and landfall. The camp is almost evacuated, but Camille moves south and west of the Keys. We spend the night in the mess hall. It was great...for us, not so great for Mississippi.

1979 - Still another Labor Day storm, Hurricane David was due to come up the Miami River when I went to bed. I was living in an apartment in the Gables, and had been in a major car wreck the day before. There was nothing, absolutely nothing, I could do to protect myself. I couldn't even put tape on the windows. I just went to bed and hoped for the best. When I woke up, the sun was shining and there were just a couple of tree limbs down. I thought maybe it was the eye of the storm. But no. David had made a sudden, unpredicted turn to the north, scraped the coast, and came ashore in my hometown of Stuart. My friend's parents lost 8 feet of yard from behind their seawall due to storm surge up the St. Lucie River.

1992 - Hurricane Andrew. We were renting a townhouse in what would become known as the devestation zone. The trees on my street were all at a 45 degree angle the next morning. The church around the corner had exploded. The building on the corner had one wall sheared off and desks sticking out of the holes. The 18 wheelers at the moving company were on their sides. The brand new Lincoln Towncar that had been parked in our complex for safety became the Crushed Lincoln Cafe, where we all met and had communal meals for a week or so until the power came back on. I went to work the next day, after the storm hit, and brought ice and water back to my neighbors every day. I also went to Homestead 3 days after the storm, to photograph the delivery of a mobile medical unit to the tent city. The tent city that was next to where the mobile home park had been, up until 3 days prior.

Today, the RLA and I put up the shutters, took in the patio furniture, moved all loose plants against the fences, made sure our hurricane supplies were topped off, bought a couple extra packs of cigarettes, and generally made sure we were ready for the worst. Or as ready as we can be.

These things are monsters, even the little ones, and anyone who lives in Florida and doesn't take them seriously is a fool.
* Sometimes, you DO need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.