Jan 14th, 2004

All Singing, All Dancing, All 3 Hours!

Last night was Movie Night here at Today's Shoes. Me and the RLA* and another two couples got together for dinner and a movie. Dinner was supplied by the host couple (not us, thank G-d, but the bar was set quite high) and we brought the movie. The other couple were simply entertaining. They'll get their turn.

We did Indian last night, and as I mentioned, dinner was afuckingmazing. There were homemade samosas, and hard cooked eggs with a tomato dip and dal and a 9 treasure rice and a mango/cardamom ice-cream desert and chai. Every item lovingly and exquisitely made by our hosts.

The tone of the evening was set during dinner when, for reasons that are obscure to me now, we all tied our napkins on our heads, pulled our pants up to our armpits and, as our hostess came in from the kitchen, stood up, hunched our shoulders and yelled "Moi brain 'urts!"

The RLA has a notorious history of bad movie choices. He has forced me to sit through hours and hours of films whose celluloid stock would have had a better life as guitar picks. I cannot count the number of times I have squirmed in the dark, looking at my watch by the light of the exit guides buried in the aisles and praying for electrical failure to end my misery.

But Bollywood is Bollywood, and how bad can it be if it has my personal fave, Shahrukh Kahn? Well, last night we found out.

Three hours, and only four dance numbers, and one of them was a sort of reprise of the first number. Shahrukh doesn't show up until two hours in, and then he does a hot dream sequence dance number that must have been an out-take from some other movie, as it bore no relation to the plot in any way, shape or form.

The movie was a passionate plea for peace and end of tribal warfare, or so it seemed to think. The six of us are old cronies from back in the radio comedy show days, and so the three hours just flew by as we did our best Hindu Mystery Science Theater 2000 impressions. Our faces hurt from laughing, which was just as well, because the movie sucked. The RLA is now no longer allowed to pick foreign films, either, as it seems his track record for flops is in no danger of ending any time soon.

Shahrukh does get shot in the back, after which he runs, does a little kung-fu fighting, cracks wise, takes out an army of bad guys, saves the girl, runs some more, smokes his last cigarette, cracks wise some more, runs again, finally begins to bleed and spends another ten or fifteen minutes dying. The guy's a genius.

To add further insult to our marathon viewing, this was a modern day epic set in LA (except Vancouver stands in for LA) and somewhere on the northern outback of India. This meant no cool period costumes. There were special effects, notably some slo-mo, and a backwards running sequence that could just have been an attempt to do an MJ moonwalk.

Well, it was fun, and I can't wait to do it again. Couscous and Lawrence of Arabia?

*RLA = Renowned Local Artist