Fluffy was my beta fish. But he was a beta fish among beta fish. He was magnificent and he lived for 3 years in a spacious bowl with a plastic replica of a small, decaying log. He was rose colored with turquoise flash, like a really nice hot rod flame job. Fluffy loved little ants. He'd lunge at them like a bonzai version of Jaws. He passed in November. Moment of silence.

I missed Fluffy immediately and sought the solace of another beta. Now I have an inky cobalt blue beta named Rover, and frankly, he's a whiner. He's not fit to hold Fluffy's fins. Granted, Rover is a handsome devil, but he just annoys the hell out of me.

When the weather dipped down into the 50s last week, I had to put his bowl outside in the sunshine, because he "looked chilled". He won't eat. He's a fucking finicky eater. He won't eat the fish kibbles that Fluffy ate. He won't eat the more expensive, fancy beta food. He won't even eat fresh ants.

Now, I have a terrier, a pair of siamese cats and a husband. They are all male and they are all finicky eaters. Every one of them likes my cooking. But I will be damned if I'm going to deal with a finicky fish. There are limits, even for me.