May 15th, 2009

Miz Shoes Reviews: ANTM, Season 12, Episode 11

OK. Let’s make this fast. I am overwhelmed at work. My new boss is a dream, but he actually uses me as an executive assistant, which means that I am busy from 8:30 to 5:30 inclusive. I love my job these days, and I love my boss, but I am in the weeds…all the time. So I’m trying to get this done before the final episode airs. I am also slightly tipsy, so deal wit it bitches.

Wind In Her Face is saying that she’s on a roll. Celia is distressed over being in the bottom two. She admits that she’s old. Aminat is a bitch about having to have Celia around for another week. RabbityMouthBreather is scared to be here. She is scared.

TYRAMAL! is something lame: tickiticki and nobody knows what it means. There is a dance hall. There are samba lessons. Allison is, of course, clumsy and scared. Because she’s a bad dancer. Aminat says that this is dope. Wind In Her Face gets dizzy from the movement. Celia moves like royalty: stiffly. She wants it too much. Desperation is not sexy. Aminat says that she’s gonna sex it up. She’s a natural dancer and has more expression in her face than anyone else. RabbityMouthBreather is rabbity, terrified and bleak. Wind In Her Face has two left feet, but is determined to fake it with confidence.

At the house, Celia is depressed because Paulina called her old. TyraMail says whatever you do, don’t look down. Which means that, during their samba challenge, every glance down at their feet will be a million zillion points off their final score. Aminat, knowing that she can dance, says that she will own this challenge. Paulina tells RabbityMouthBreather that she looks like a rickety wind up toy. And she keeps looking at her feet. Celia pushes herself and is impeccable. Wind In Her Face is told by Paulina that this was not her finest moment. Celia wins the challenge, much to the chagrin of Aminat. Celia shares her win (jewelry) with RabbityMouthBreather. Paulina is visibly peeved that Celia didn’t share with the next best girl, Aminat.

TYRAMAIL! says that at some point the mamma bird shoves the baby birds out of the nest. This leads Aminat to confessionalize that she wants it so bad, but that she just keeps coming in next to last. She’s dishearted. Oh, noes. The hamsters are woken up early by Sutan and Christian and get some very wild and messy hair and make up. Then they are bundled into a truck and driven out into the middle of the jungle. One of the girls says that this ain’t TeeVee jungle, but real jungle. Well, as real as reality tv gets, and then there is an accident blocking the road. Who can this be now? Why it’s TYRA! badly emoting and taking the girls on a walkabout to their location, where there is some weird ass, enormous bird nest looking thing wedged sideways into a cliff side. Wind In Her Face is not afraid to shoot with Tyra. She’s won too many challenges, she says, to be tossed out now. On the other end of the spectrum, RabbityMouthBreather is intimidated to be shooting with Tyra. As Tyra explains the “concept”: pterodactyl cum owlet leaving its nest, Miz Shoes says that the hamsters should all be very, very afraid.

RabbityMouthBreather goes first, and overcomes all her fears (well, looking like a scared little bird is playing to her strengths) she blurts out to Tyra, “you’re soooo pretty”. Way to suck up, RabbityMouthBreather. That’ll keep you on for another week, for sure. Aminat does Crouching Tiger, Hidden Aminat, and Tyra and Mr Jay discuss how gorgeous her body is, but how her face just sucks wind. Celia steps up her game and relaxes her face, her body and her mind. She gives Amazon. She works it. Wind In Her Face goes last, and they are losing the light, so Tyra tells her to lose the clothes. Wind In Her Face does. She also works it.

At panel, there can be only three. RabbityMouthBreather is scared and anxious, and when isn’t she? Aminat is confident that there is no way she’s going home. Ann Shoket and her honker are there to represent the sponsor’s voice. RabbityMouthBreather surprised Tyra by

not totally sucking

being vulnerable and sweet. Nigel says that Wind In Her Face wasn’t using her body to its full advantage. Celia showed major strength and a straight on armpit. Tyra enjoyed working with her. Celia, despite being an actual pterodactyl, looked fresh. Aminat used every strength in her repetoire and managed to control her face.

RabbityMouthBreather found her niche as a scared baby bird. She has the YOUTH. Wind In Her Face has no fire or magic on set. She’s getting complacent. Celia has great style, but an awkward face. Paulina wants to hire her as a stylist. Ann Shoket loved the pic. Aminat has a beautiful face, but the camera doesn’t love it. She eats light and doesn’t shine it back, but her BODY. Oh. My. God. The body is to die for.

RabbityMouthBreather gets the number one photo (told you the suck up was a good idea), Wind in Her Face comes in second. Aminat and Celia are left. Predictably, Celia is given the boot for being older than dirt, and Aminat stays to try and master her angles.