Open on bile green LA. Recap of Ra’Mon, Epperson and Qristyl bickering, and Mitchell going aufsie daisey. That was fun. DanielFranco Lite says something about having to separate the wheat from the chaff and the hacks are going home. Epperson graciously allows as how last challenge had been hard for both himself and Qristyl. Speaking of whom, we see her whining to Gordana that she is now seen as the B-I-T-C-H. Gordana assured her that this is not so, that she merely failed to stand up for herself…amazingly. Implying that Q may have been quite the bitch in the girls’ dorm.
Heidi is on the runway telling the designers that there are 13 women in the workroom, and to win the challenge, each designer must make one happy. The 13 women turn out to be the Models of the Runway. Now that they have their own show, they are even more anonymous clothes hangers to me than before. The scenario for the challenge is that the MOR are going to an industry event, and must have a dress that shows her style and ability to wear clothes. Upon this dress, a career may lie. I wonder if Diane von Furstenberg paid her to say that?
Logan is nervous. Miz Shoes is happy that he’s getting screen time. This is the first one-day challenge, and they will have 30 minutes to sketch with the models, then $100 to spend at mood.
Jonny is going to do something in deep purple that is not jersey. It will be simple and understated. He says that it is what he would design for himself, were he a “black girl.” Somebody else tells their designer that they want something “Fresh, simple, interesting, body conscious, straight and short.” Uh-huh. I’ve had clients like that. Those are the ones who need a photo of a short, fat, tall, lanky blonde/brunette/grey haired old young man/woman. You kill them and bury the body in your ex’s back yard.
Qristyl and her model want to stand out. Irina’s model is Kelly and she wants something with an open back. Maybe. Possibly. Or not. Irina recognizes that Kelly is indecisive and she’ll have carte blanche, if she can sell it. Louise is fretting that she isn’t happy with her model’s color scheme, but Althea is delighted that she and her model have the same aesthetic, which is why Althea won’t let anybody steal her.
Shirin’s model, on the other hand, wants a royal blue satin jumpsuit with a deep vee back and gold rope trim. She wants to stand out. Yeah. On the corner, you gotta be seen if you wanna make a dollah. Logan is panicking because his model wants something commercial and on-trend: 1950s. He’s showing a little flop sweat.
Epperson’s model wanted something in orange, but all the orange fabric he found at Mood sucked, so he bought browns instead. Louise and Jonny are working side by side in the sewing room and talking about people who have gone home. They are depressed about it. Christopher, no longer working the twee hats (thank you), looks around the work room and notices that there are missing bodies. The truth of being on a reality show is sinking in, it seems. We see DanielFranco Lite channeling That Daniel Franco as he laments that he will be sewing until Tim rips the needle from his bleeding fingers and pushes him onto the runway.
Tim tours the room: Althea is making a skirt and a man’s jacket. Tim says it has a WOW factor. It does? OK, if Tim Gunn says it, it must be true. Christopher’s model is long waisted, and she wants to show it off in something Christopher refers to as “emerald green”, but which is not… it is a sort of electric Kelly green. It’s…bright. Epperson is working under the following art direction: flowy, strong punk, cocktail, tiger. And you know? He’s doing it. It’s brown and body conscious and jersey and matte and shiny all at once. Tim says it is innovative and beautiful, which it is and which is why I’ll take Tim’s word about Althea’s mess.
Speaking of messes, Qristyl is using black and dark brown jersey to sculpt a whirlwind of fabric around her mannequin, or as Tim says, something that looks like the model rolled around in her sheets and wrapped it around herself to go out.
It gets worse as Logan shows Tim something that looks, in Logan’s own words, like a Smurf prom dress. Tim fans himself and tells Logan, Oh, lord, girl, don’t say that word on the runway. Don’t give the judges ideas. It is, inarguably, very blue, with lots of black lace. Carol Hannah is working with a deeply saturated mulberry purple and black. She is emphasizing, per her model’s wishes, the waist, with a close-to-the-body fit. Tim isn’t so sure about the one-shouldered neck line, asking if she is perhaps, robbing her model of her youth? (Translation: a little mother-of-the-bride, non?)
A Tender Moment
Epperson calls his family and cries. Uh-oh, is Epperson getting the loser edit? He sniffs a little that he’d never chose to do this (presumably a reality show) again. Dude. Miz Shoes hears you. Miz Shoes would rather stab herself under the fingernails with the charred ends of bamboo skewers than ever appear on television. Ra’Mon is doing something with cobalt blue leathah? The models come for their fittings and approvals, and Epperson shows his girl all the cheap, nasty oranges he discarded in favor of the browns, and she is completely in love with the dress, so all is well in Epperson’s corner. Jonny’s model is asking for more cleavage, but not any lower in the neckline. He snipes at her that he doesn’t tell her how to model, but then realizes that in fact, he does, and we get to see Jonny try to show his girl how to walk.
Althea and her model agree that their collaboration is more amazing than either of them (or me) envisioned. Logan has dubbed his look “goth Cinderella” and hopes that somebody on the judging panel likes it. DanielFranco Lite is only 85% done and a complete wreck. Qristyl has taken Uncle Tim’s advice and ditched the brown and made a little black dress. Is it too simple, she wonders aloud. Shirin’s model hates her dress. And Logan is looking around at everyone else’s work and worrying that his is different, and not in a good way. The electric green dress which, when last we saw it, was a tight strapless sheath dress with a 1980’s drop waist and a deeply ruffled skirt, now has a matching crumb catcher on the top. It looks like a giant version of the scallions my mother used to make in the 50s for the Thanksgiving relish tray. You know, frayed at both ends, then stuck in ice water to make festive sprays? Yeah. That’s exactly what it looks like.
Morning of the Runway
Logan is shirtless (thank you) and wearing skin tight silver jeans. Really editors, thank you for that. It’s a good thing Miz Shoes does not have tivo, or else she might have embarrassed herself in front of the RLA. Logan interviews that his model, Kojii, has a harder edge than the others, and he thinks that although this dress is not his particular cup of organic green de-caf, it did please his client.
Too late for regrets, Qristyl is questioning her decision to use just black. Gordana has made something beige with a woven element adding interest to the bust. Carol Hannah is confident, which means she isn’t going to win. Irina sniffs that nobody’s work looks like crap, really, but Althea’s would have looked better if she’d just stapled it together. Saucer of milk, Irina? Nicolas says that Epperson’s looks like trash, and Christopher says that if the judges don’t understand Epperson’s style, he’s history. Tim gives a ten minute warning.
DanielFranco Lite has done something fitted, white satin(?) with grey trim. There is are cut-away arm holes, showing off the model’s shoulders and arms, There is some sort of woven element at the high neckline. It is extremely tailored, and is evocative of That Daniel Franco. Jonny has made frayed edges on all his seam lines. Althea still needs more time.
On the Runway
Heidi is wearing something grey, and reminds the viewers of the challenge: to make something for a fashion industry party. Tonight we have a full panel of guest judges: Marc Bouwer, Zoe Glassner (editor for Marie Claire), and Jennifer Rade who is identified as a celebrity stylist/designer. OK, sure. If you say so.
Qristyl’s dress is short, black, jersey with an asymmetrical hemline. Nicolas’s dress is tailored to within an inch of its life. The cut-away neck line makes it almost a bib top, but there is no side boob exposure. Irina has made something that looks like I could wear it to work: a simple printed day dress with a belted jacket with some sort of huge collar. Gordana’s beige jersey. Something very blue. Logan’s black top and blue skirt. Christopher has added black bands to the top and bottom of the fitted center band of the giant scallion. Now it looks like a rather lurid green Christmas cracker. Epperson’s dress is all stripey and stretchy and fitted and raggedy, but not whickety-whack. Jonny’s dress is a whole lot of eggplant purple.
Althea’s model comes strutting down the runway, boobs akimbo, with the jacket open and her grey jersey tank top leaving every movement hypnotically visible. Is is a bubble miniskirt, micro-mini bloomers, a black diaper? Louise’s dress is black. Ra’Mon’s cobalt blue, skin tight dress also has a self-fabric corsage on one shoulder that is going to eat the model’s head. Carol Hannah has made a very sexy purple top with a textured black pencil skirt. When the model turns around, the skirt has a set of pleats in a center gore, almost bustle-like, that moves beautifully.
Louise, Irinia, Christopher, Nicolas, Gordanna, Shirin and Ra’Mon are safe. The others are the top and bottom of the pack. We begin with CH. Marc Bouwer loves her draping combined with the sharp tailoring of the skirt. It’s hard and soft. Logan is called out for making a cheap, tacky prom dress. And then Jennifer says that his dress looks like crap but he’s cute and she likes his pants and sneakers, so she’s giving him a pass, and I fall in love a little with Jennifer. A woman after Miz Shoes own heart. Next is Epperson, and Marc Bouwer is blown away by Epperson’s masterful technique with stretch fabric. Heidi, on the other hand, says that either the dress or the model needed a lot more support in the bust. The other women agree, but Jennifer gives Epperson a golf clap of approval. She then gets on a roll and tells Jonny that the purse is the most interesting thing about his look, and that even though Qristyl’s model loves her dress, that’s why she isn’t a designer… thank God. Really. Jen? Call me. I’ll pay for the first round.
And then, maybe NinaGarcia left the crack in the judges quarters because they all start heaping the love on Althea’s miniskirt and jacket. (Michael Kors would have deemed it too Studio 54 to be tolerated, but he wasn’t there and mores the pity.) Jennifer loses points with me by saying she wants to leave with it on her arm, so she can dress one of her clients in it. Invisible Marie Claire editor says that it is a suit! And yet, she would wear it. I have no idea what that means. Are suits bad? Too matchy, matchy?
The designers leave the judges to the real work of judging. M. Bouwer says that Qristyl was able to make simple look cheap. Heidi says that the model didn’t look like a guest at the imaginary party, but the girl passing drinks. Ouch. And true. Logan is credited for being too cute to cut and is excused for not making something cool, but something his tasteless model wanted. Jonny is dismissed as having made something too accessible: anybody could wear that, so who cares. Can we keep these judges?
Carol Hannah made something that moved beautifully. Epperson’s dress was sexy and fitted and Heidi says that it needed a bra. But Epperson knows how to make clothes, says M. Bouwer. And so,
Epperson is in, and Althea is the winner and gets immunity in the next challenge. Her three pieces are so fabulous that they mesmerized Heidi out of noticing the bouncing boobies. Carol Hannah and Jonny are in. Logan and Qristyl are the bottom two. Qristyl made a cheap-looking, boring dress and took no chances. Logan made a dress that stood out for all the wrong reasons: styling and fabric all missed the mark. But he had on skin tight silver jeans and is very, very cute and so he gets to stay (thank you) and the judges, still remembering what a pill Qristyl was last week, send her and her non-existent taste level home.