First thoughts are that Jason is more Christofuh Moltisanti than Alex the Droogie, and Mondo is an insufferable twink who actually uttered the phrase “sometimes I think my gift is my curse” on national television, which means that he could have gone viral and become a famous internet twink by now. Oh please, little girl, who do you think you are, John Leguisamo in “To Wong Fu”? Not so much, but Miz Shoes recognizes that Mondo can design and sew something fierce.
Morning in the Atlas and Peach is being Sweet Pea 2.0 and Savannah Art Student April is being cute. In the high maintenance boys’ room, Andy has a make up airbrush and Bluto from Palm Springs mocks him, all the while looking at the device with covetous glances. Mondo is already crying and moping and whining that he’s just too strange for anyone to love him. Butch up, bitch, you are not the only little gay poseur in high school any more. Mondo has already grated Miz Shoes last nerve very, very raw and she hopes sincerely that Gretchen does not do something that causes her to fling a martini glass at the laptop.
The designers go to the Atlas roof to meet up with Tim, Heidi and Joanna Coles, the Editor in Chief of Marie Claire (aka Ninagarcia’s boss). This challenge will be to design an outfit that embodies the Marie Claire woman…intelligent, driven, powerful, stylish. And too cheap or stupid to read Vogue, not that anyone would mention that out loud. The winner will have their design featured on a billboard in Times Square, which is, OK, huge in more ways than one. Christopher, the cute one from San Francisco, calls the prize “operatic”. That’s an, uh, interesting choice of words and not one that Miz Shoes could have come up with in a million years. It’s a one-day challenge, half an hour to draw, $150 at Mood.
What in the name of Coco Chanel is AJ wearing? A toddler’s sailor suit, unless our eyes deceive us. With a widdle captain’s hat, a yellow tie with blue anchors over a blue and white windowpane check shirt? Gah. What has been seen cannot be unseen. He is designing for an amalgam of Courtney Love, Gwen Stephanie and Blondie. All of whom individually and collectively wouldn’t be caught dead reading MC. Gretchen is smug about her choice of making pants, which she has never done, just to make things challenging for herself. While everyone else is sketching (and on the product placement computer devices, thank you), Mondo is making a shopping list of what he’ll need at Mood, which is the first time we’ve ever seen someone do that. Is it because we’re getting our extra footage, or because nobody has ever had that much sense before? It is interesting, and includes things like “pretty little buttons”.
Jason has created an homage to Season Eight, or a dress that goes to Infinity and Beyond! Is he developmentally challenged? No, really. Seriously. The bowler isn’t to intimidate people, it’s because he’s not allowed out without protective headgear. Short bus. Tim calls it a “shopping exposition to Mood.” Miz Shoes will not allow herself to believe he did that on purpose. Mmmmmmm, buttons. We see the designers scurry around Mood, grabbing shit at random and panicking. Casanova says that $150 isn’t enough to make a sophisticated gown. He doesn’t have a problem then, does he, thinks Miz Shoes. Nicolas has discovered geometry in the shape of a circle. Thank you, Mood.
Back in the workroom, they have until midnight and Peach is already pouring flop sweat. The designers are beginning to bitch about each other already. Valerie is yammering about about her trench dress with extras. There is some weird interaction where AJ loses his shit over Casanova asking about a simple design problem. We see Casanova ask a lot of advice from a lot of the other designers. AJ might have been provoked is all we’re saying, despite the editing.
Tim does his walkies and really responds well to Valerie’s dress, but calls her zipper brassy. Tim gives Mondo a pep talk, and asks to see his sketches, but Mondo doesn’t have any, and Tim tells him that based on his dress from last week, he’s willing to go on blind trust. Really, Tim? Really? It is during Tim’s interaction with Jason that we realize that Jason is channeling Christofuh. He is belligerently, proudly stupid. He may be functionally retarded or merely OCD. For that matter, are half these people retarded? They are designing for a billboard and they are using black and navy and beige and grey. A billboard in Times Square, which means there will be a lot going on around it, visually, so you had better design something that will read at 40 feet high. Ooh, trash talk about Casanova from the rest. Nicholas has made a big old copy of Gretchen’s dress, she says. Big circle of fabric. Bluto is using a black and silver leaf print that Tim calls Blanche Deveraux (don’t be dissing, Blanche, Tim). Peach is still panicking, and starts over, and then panics some more and starts over again. There is a twist, of course. They have a photo shoot with a Marie Claire photographer and their model to capture the image of their design and the MC Woman. Jason’s a putz. Casanova is a tool. Nicholas foreshadows his own departure by talking about how he’s forming friendships.
Valerie, Sarah, Ivy and Gretchen are girl bonding. AJ points out that there is just something wrong with Jason and calls him shady. Peach is resigned to being sent home. Mondo keeps to himself, while everyone asks where he is, and that’s when he starts crying and says that his gift is a curse. It’s at that exact moment that Miz Shoes screams GET OVER YOURSELF. More girl bonding. Ivy yaps about her vision thing. Mondo has had a good night’s sleep and is wearing the most hideous ensemble ever seen on Project Runway, and we have seen Stella’s Dr. Seuss leggings. Mondo’s little skirt and top, however, are magnificent. Hair and makeup. Gretchen and her swatches.
Peach says her model is covered in Barbie’s sofa. Photo shoot. Jason runs out of time and makes the design decision to use giant safety pins as closures along the front seam of his dress. Bluto says that Jason is creepy, so he agrees with every thing he says, then makes Psycho shower scene knife stabs and accompanying sound FX. April’s dress is has Klingon shoulders. Andy’s plum and grey dressy pant suit is stylish. Valerie’s dress is hot. Sarah’s dress is sculptural and the colors are very sophisticated: plum, coral and steel. Mondo is good as an art director, nails the shoot and uses the product name almost naturally. Jason is a putz and has styled his model like a boxer, then choses the worst possible shot. He goes on to confessionalize about how the judges have to look past his disabilities like not being able to sew when he is a contestant on a sewing show. He is a speshul snowflake, isn’t he?
Runway. No immunity. Judges. Michael Kors, Ninagarcia, Joanna Coles. Photos will be taken into account when they score. Nicholas leads with his thing, and he is stunned to note that the judges are not impressed with the fluttery, badly sewn back of his top, nor with the tortured hemline of his skirt and they openly despise the cape. Christopher’s made a black pencil skirt and a dark top in chocolate brown with mustard gold facings and a narrow, yet plunging scoop neck. If they were doing a cover and not a billboard, it would be perfect. Jason is delusional. Bluto has made another Vegas hooker turned politician’s wife dress. AJ has made an utter failure in school bus yellow and black. Peach is OK with her dress. Michael the Knitwear guy is terrified by the fact that he’s made a tunic, not a dress and pretends that he meant to make it that short. Ivy made an ivory tank dress, ho hum. Valerie’s dress leaps off the runway, because it is red, well made and fashionable. Sarah’s plum, coral and tweedy brown/black are gorgeous. Andy has made origami sleeves of his purple organza. Pretty flashy. Casanova’s made a matronly navy top and a white pencil skirt. Kristin, peaches, ivories, pink. Gretchen’s paper weight navy linen romper. Mondo’s really cheeky little ensemble, with bounce and energy. From the front, April’s taupe and midnight blue organza is interesting. From the back, the exposed large-scale zipper is jolting.
Mondo, Peach, Nicholas, Jason, Valerie and Gretchen are the tops and bottoms and you can see where this is going. AJ breaks down and cries. Huggies all around. Bluto predicts that Valerie will win, everyone laughs at Jason’s combat boots and safety pins, then assure the viewers that Jason is a really talented menswear designer who just happens to be off his meds at the moment and they don’t want to anger him.
Peach tries to defend her yellow and pink dress. Matronly. Peach lets the judges know how many other dresses she made before she admitted defeat and sent this out. They are suitably impressed. Valerie’s fire engine red dress is gorgeous. Ninagarcia gushes over it. Joanna Coles loves it. MKors loves it. Jason gets eviscerated. MKors calls it a walk of shame dress, and Jason is a putz.
Gretchen talks about filling the page, and says that anyone from 22 to “way into their 40s and 50s” would want to wear it. MKors says that she’s a modern girl and the judges claim that the Marie Claire reader is intelligent. Nicholas gets savaged by NinaGarcia. Utterly unsexy, says Joanna. They ask for the cape to come off and then realize that the blouse is so awful that she needs to keep the cape on. Mondo calls his look young, flirty and with touch of whimsy, claiming inspiration from the opening credits of the Mary Tyler Moore show. Joanna says that the opening credits are what inspired her to move to New York and NinaGarcia loves the whole look, and then Joanna says that this is the first time in history that she and NinaGarcia have ever agreed on anything except for Gretchen’s jump suit two minutes ago.
Jason says that his model sucked and that the judges didn’t get his concept of Infinity and Beyond and that he doesn’t give a damn about his bad reputation, and the other designers all look uncomfortable, probably what the other folks in Christofuh Moltisanti’s AA group looked like when he was on a tear.
The judges love Mondo’s look. Confident and whimsical, and not at all like a bad catalog. Getchen’s jumpsuit is deemed sophisticated but not old. Seasonless, timeless, ageless. Joanne calls Valerie’s dress an “old friend”. Has Jason ever spoken to a woman, asks Joanne. Nicholas was a disaster. Peach was desperate housewife, well made, but hopelessly old lady. So how many go home?
Mondo, we loved everything about your outfit, you’re in. He gets much love from the other designers and stops whining. They like him, they really like him. Gretchen, you made a jump suit. Valerie, you made a killer dress and styled it perfectly. Gretchen, you win and Valerie, you’ve been screwed. Gretchen admits to feeling prideful. Then she says she has set a very high bar. Bluto deservedly mocks Gretchen’s tone and then says that Valerie should have won. Miz Shoes agrees.
Peach, too old or too young, but not right. Nicholas, you threw everything including the kitchen sink at this and it all blew chunks. Peach, you are barely safe. Jason, you are a sociopathic jerk who may be borderline retarded, go home. Jason is a putz backstage and leaves. Nicholas gets sent home, and sobs and sobs. Everyone loves on him, including Tim.
Billboard model turns out to be Coco Rocha, who is apparently a big name in models. Next week, the unconventional material challenge takes place in a party supply superstore, and somebody faints.