Bile green LA morning: Althea and Irina are no longer speaking. Irina is a smug bitch. Christopher is the last boy standing and says it’s strange. Agreed. Gordana wants to represent. This is the last challenge. Tim is going to take them to an iconic place with priceless views. More green smog. The Getty Museum. The mayor of LA claims that LA is the creative capitol of America. Miz Shoes weeps for the death of creativity. Thirty minute tour. Sketching. Mood. Models as assistant muses. Althea is inspired by the architecture of the museum itself. Carol Hannah is overcome by the French decorative arts and what appears to be Marie Antoinette’s bed. It is a turquoise and gold brocaded rococo confection with swoops and swags and ostrich feathers. Irina is seduced by a faux-Orientalist semi-Pre-Raphaelite women languidly lolling around in diaphanous togas. Gordana weeps at the sight of one of Monet’s cathedrals in dawn light. And Christopher. Ah, weeping, prayer-handed emo boy is overcome by the beauty of algae on rocks in an outdoor fountain. Oh, Christopher, you are so edgy…not.
Mood. Irina finds a sheared goat pelt. Christopher finds acid green. Carol Hannah is panicking. So far, so much of the same as every other episode this season. To the workroom, where Irina is a bitch and talks smack about the other designers, Carol Hannah fumbles around and Christopher continues to be a tool. Gordana says it would be sooooo disappointing to make it this far and not go to Bryant Park. Six seasons of watching, and the dismal reality of this season, lets us know that is a sure sign that Gordana will NOT be going to Bryant Park. Thank you blatant foreshadowing.
Irina is a bitch, who is now Gordana’s pal, having burned Althea. Carol Hannah is now Christopher’s pal, since Logan is gone and forgotten. Tim comes in for his walkabout, and tells Carol Hannah to lose the diagonal swash across the bust, Irina to lose the goat fur road kill and warns Althea about the puckering on her strippy, cross hatched piecing. (Which is exactly the same as her Bob Mackie challenge dress.) Tim loves Gordana’s dress and the clear inspiration of the Monet. She’s dead.
Christopher displays his only self-awareness this entire season when he confessionalizes that he knows that he’s being portrayed as the wacky kid who never listens to Tim. The designers all talk shit about the others. Everything looks pretty lousy. Morning. Workroom. Stress. Back-biting. Christopher says his dress is dirty and pretty and he’s sure that the judges will finally see his vision. Irina is a bitch about Christopher. Althea’s a bitch about Gordana. Irina is a bitch about Althea. It’s a circle jerk of bitchiness.
Tim gives the last pep talk. Make NinaGarcia’s stilettos blow off her feet and shoot across the room. Yeah, says Miz Shoes from her couch, good luck with that. Heidi tells the designers this is a double elimination. The judges are NinaGarcia, Cynthia Rowley (Miz Shoes loves Cynthia Rowley) and Cindy Crawford. Ho-fucking-hum. Time to see what these guys have managed to produce.
Althea has a sandstone colored dress with a sheer top over a very puckered skirt. Carol Hannah has made a pretty gold gown with some fabric braiding on one shoulder. Christopher has a grey and green sheer drawstring-necked top (Vampire Bride), with a grey corset (paper challenge) and a straight skirt with some really horrible finger painting.
Gordana’s dress is a simple sheath with layers of colors that are evocotive of both her inspiration and a vagina. Irina’s model has a terrible, terrible horse-stomp walk and a floppy green dress that looks like a 1980s disco fever dream. Her model is styled like the muse in that rollerskating movie…Xanadu.
Althea’s dress has an underworked top and an overworked skirt. Heidi calls it a mess fest. NinaGarcia tells Irina that she has styled her goddess gown like an old lady. The length is wrong. The styling is wrong. The shoes are awful. Gordana’s silk organza is beautifully made. Heidi can see the connection to the painting. The judges finally decide that the zipper is badly sewn. Carol Hannah and her French decorative arts: Cynthia Rowley loves the fit, Cindy Crawford doesn’t see the connection. NinaGarcia calls it perfect and safe.
And then there is Christopher. He cries that he IS a rock with algae. Thanks for sharing. Get off the runway. The usual question of why should you go and who should go with you results in predictable answers: Because I WANT it so bad. Because I’ve never been in the bottom three. Because I make beautiful clothes that women want to wear. Because I’m an immigrant with American dreams (that from Irina, by the way).
More filler of the judges pretending to make a “tough” decision. Irina is in. Carol Hannah is in. Althea is in. Gordana and Christopher go home. And that’s a wrap. Miz Shoes is so over this season, that she isn’t even committed to watching the finale. Will the bitch win? Or the little blonde or the big blonde?
Finally, Miz Shoes would like to show Christopher what you do with grey and algae green that looks like water sparkling over rocks.
In case you don’t recognize the detail, that’s Laura Bennett’s amazing grey and acid green gown from season 3. Compare and contrast and learn.
