Morning in the Gotham, and Terri is singing “Ding-Dong, the Witch is Dead” and making sure that we all know that she means StellaBarbarella. Have we remarked on the vast expanses of class that Terri shows from week to week? No? That would be because she doesn’t. Kenley is happy and chirping about how fly she is and how she knows that she is going to go all the way to Bryant Park with her fabulosity.
Leanne still keeps her model and the hapless Kendall goes home. There are “special guests” this week, and they turn out to be the previously eliminated designers. Not to worry, Heidi assures those who have not yet been eliminated, they are only here to work with you, not to replace any of you. That’s a relief. This is the Avant Garde challenge. The current and former contestants will be paired and must choose one of their astrological signs as the inspiration for their design. There is a large budget ($250) and a long work period (2 days). The designers are lined up in astrological order and their partners chosen by Tim from the button bag. Here are the teams, their signs and the one they choose to work from:
Korto/Aquarius & Kelly/Cancer (Aquarius)
Kenley/Aquarius & Wesley/Scorpio (Aquarius)
Straight Joe/Aries & Daniel2.0/Sagittarius (Aires)
Leanne/Libra & Emily/Scorpio (Scorpio)
Oompa-Loompa-Licious/Libra & Stella/Scorpio (Libra)
Terri/Sagittarius & Keith/Leo (Leo)
Jerrel/Sagittarius & Jennifer/Taurus (Sagittarius)
Suede/Sagittarius & Jerry/Libra (Libra)
Now, remember how well Terri and Keith worked together the first time? Yeah. That was a Martin & Lewis relationship compared to now. They loathe each other heartily, and Terri has her full bitch on. Keith still isn’t over being auffed and he’s a little fragile. Raw meat to Terri, and she sinks her teeth into it. Tim hands out dossiers about the signs and their attributes and gives the groups half an hour to sketch.
At Mood, Kenley is ordering Wesley around, and he’s meekly obeying her every whim. Terri bitches about Keith and tries to order him around, and then ignores everything he has to say. No, let me rephrase that, she abuses his every idea and comment and THEN ignores his input. When he asks what he can do she tells him to count the pins that fall on the floor.
Daniel2.0 (remember him? He had exquisite taste and high ideals of glamour?) and Joe have done an amazing sketch. I may look into that at auction. It is drop. fucking. dead. gorgeous. Too bad Daniel2.0 didn’t bring that in the earlier part of the game, because it is clearly his drawing and it is clearly FIERCE.
Jerry (remember Jerry and his clothes to commit serial murders in?) is going on about how he’s won major awards for his avant garde work, so if his partner will listen to him, they’ll win. Uh-huh.
Leanne is tired of Kenley’s overconfidence and obnoxious attitude, and she’s sharing that feeling with Emily. Kenley is like, two feet away and can hear everything, and shares with her partner, Wesley, that the other two are being high-school bitches and she won’t let them sit at her table in the lunch room, anyway, so there. Flounce.
Tim comes to do his little look-see and starts with Oompa-Loompa-Licious and Stella. They are going to play with scale. Get it? Libra, the scales? Scale? Weight and balance? Get it? Tim tells them to be sure that there is cohesion in their parts and Oompa-Loompa-Licious just says holla atcha boy and Tim doesn’t even acknowledge it, but just walks away. Is Timmy over Oompa-Loompa-Licious?
Jerell has used a really odd, geometric fabric for the skirt of his gown. It looks stiff and almost menswear. Tim is flummoxed by the fabric choice and tells Jerell that he is so far out on the precipice that he is either going to crash badly or win. “I’m perplexed.” he finishes, and leaves.
Leanne is using her noodles/flaps again, but this time in the service of creating a sort of exo-skeletal shape for her Scorpio dress. Interesting.
Kenley has chosen her usual appalling and unattractive florals, a purple plaid and tulle. Tim tells her that there is a fine line between avant garde and costume and she blows up at him. “Costume?” she shrills, “What costume? What show would this be in?” (Miz Shoes thinks that a sad sort of Cirque du Soleil clown might wear it, what with the grossly oversized purple plaid leg-o-mutton sleeves and the pouffe skirt and the bad color combinations) Tim says that it looks like Glinda, the good witch of the North, and Kenley just snorts that Glinda would never look so “fabulous”. Tim just looses his patience at that point and says “Fine. Don’t listen to me, then.” And if ever more ominous words were spoken, I do not know. GAH!!!! Always listen to Tim Gunn, designers.
Terri and Keith are silent. Tim reminds Terri that Keith has great ideas and that she should listen to him. Keith rolls his eyes and Terri looks at Tim. Oh. Oh, sighs Tim. Riiiiight.
In other news, the clothes need to premier at a cocktail party at the Museum of Science & Planetarium at 8 pm, cutting the work time by 4 hours. Also? No more immunity. And? Two designers are getting auffed tonight. Terri responds to this by telling Keith to leave her alone to work. He says that she’s an angry and bitter person and that he isn’t designing costumes for The Lion King (which is a pretty accurate description of both Terri and her dress). Kenley, continues to trash everyone else’s work. Korto is pinning her dress onto the model to make it to the party.
We break for commercial and look, Chemistry.com has gay match-making. Good for them. At the Planetarium, the judges for the evening are previous Project Runway designers who still live in New York or its environs. I recognize Daniel V., Jay Carroll, Christian Puffysleeves & Kara Janx. Oh, I’ve missed Daniel V. True to form, Terri is complaining about other designers picking the winners. She is standing with Keith, and totally ignoring him as they talk to Christian. Christian hates her Lion King collar (HAH!).
Kenley takes offense at Heidi questioning her design and the placement of the bust line on her monstrosity. Kenley basically rips Heidi a new one. It’s pretty, uh, ballsy? Insane? Suicidal? Gutsy? Heidi doesn’t care, and takes on the matter of Oompa-Loompa-Licious’ onesie with attached wads of fabric. She tells him that the color of the unitard looks like Granny Panties. She has a point.
Daniel V is awed by Jerell’s work. He counts 6 trims and 7 different fabrics, and is completely in love with the look. There are peacock feathers, and bronze and I can’t tell what all.
It’s the morning of the show, and Terri is cutting off the collar per Christian’s critique. Keith makes one more half-hearted attempt to help, and goes off to take a nap, since Terri wants him around like a case of head lice. Kenley is re-doing the bodice on her dress to satisfy Heidi, not because it was wrong. Suede is back to the third person, full time, and interviews that “Suede is rilly, rilly sad that 2 people are going home.”
Straight Joe has been on the show long enough that he lets out his inner bitch to say that Kenley’s piece is so Mickey Mouse (or Minnie) that she needs to be in the bottom two. Tim has to find Keith, sleeping in the breakroom, in order to get him out to the runway for the show. And what the HELL is Jerell wearing today? Girl, get a grip on yourself.
The judges tonight will not be selecting the winner, that was done by the former contestants last night. What they will be doing are choosing the two designers to go home, and providing color. The guest tonight is Francisco Costa, lead designer for Calvin Klein.
Korto, Jerell, Leanne and Straight Joe are the top designers and are sent off stage while the bottom four are savaged by the judges.
Oompa-Loompa-Licious is first, and has to defend his Libra/weight and scale design. It is called haphazard by Nina. Michael Kors is not having any of it, saying that it isn’t forward, it isn’t pretty and it looks like the model is pooping fabric. I’m all for odd beauty, he says, but this isn’t beauty, it’s only odd.
Michael is impressed with the pairing of two fire signs: Terri & Keith. This should have been brilliant, but the personality clash has caused this to look like “Voodoo princess in hell.” All taste, says Miss Kors, has flown out the window. The word we are looking for to describe the expression on Keith’s face (and the evil in his heart) is scheudenfraude.
But wait, there’s more. Kenley’s aquarian design is attacked by NinaGarcia as having absolutely nothing to do with the zodiac. Oh, yes, it does, she says. NinaGarcia shrugs, eloquently. And then we get to Suede, still working that third person like she is the Queen of All England. “Suede and Jerry chose Libra. Suede didn’t want to go too crazy, so Suede pulled back.” Michael says it looks like department store, off-the-rack.
And then the designers are sent away for the real cutting to begin. Michael says that Oompa-Loompa-Licious’ piece is just unbearable to look at… a joke. Ooooh, says Heidi, that’s bad (waits a beat) but true. Michael makes no pretense about his feelings about Kenley. He hates her. He mocks her “I don’t look at other designers” remark. Well, honey, you should, he says. As for Terri? NinaGarcia hated it. It looked cheap. (Always the death knell for NinaGarcia) And Terri didn’t take any responsibility for her work, trying to blame Keith for walking away (count the pins that fall on the floor??). But Michael brings the full bore of The Duchess to bear on poor little Suede. It seems that this is the first time that Miss Kors has heard Suede use the third person. In addition to his work being boring and tacky, MK says that Suede is not ready for the third person. Not at all. Miss Kors thinks that there was way too much ego on display from a bunch of rank amateurs tonight and she is having none of it.
Jerell is named the winner, and poor Straight Joe is robbed!!! Kenley gets to stay, but only because they couldn’t send three designers home tonight. Oompa-Loompa-Licious is sent back to Portland to find his tan, Suede is allowed to stay so that Michael can sharpen her claws on him next week, and Terri is given the boot for being a bitch and a talentless hack. See? Justice in the world.
Next week? Michael Kors gags.