I have written a book, people.

It is a self-help book for young women going off to college.

It is titled "The Girls Guide to College That Your Parents Won't Want You To Read." Yes. It is exactly what you think it would be like.

I need a publisher. Or an agent who can get me a publisher.

Blahblahblahblah TERROR blahblahblahblah TERROR blahblahblahblah 9-11 blahblahblah TERROR blahblahblahblah COMPASSION blahblahblahblahblah TERROR blahblahblahblah RESISTANCE IS FUTILE blahblahblahblah YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED blahblahblahblah TERROR blahblahblahblah AGREE WITH ME OR DIE blahblahblahblahblah TERROR

Today's entry is from my boss.

"ABC News says that Bob Woodruff’s near-death experience at the hands of the “last-throes” Iraqi insurgency will not deter this vaunted journalism powerhouse from doing its job. While ABC vows to soldier on, while its staff keep Woodruff in their thoughts/prayers, perhaps all concerned should think about this:


If ABC News had done its job and accurately reported in the late ‘90s on George Bush’s serial failures in his business and personal life …

If ABC News had covered George Bush as aggressively in the 2000 general election campaign as it aggressively and mercilessly covered Al Gore …

If ABC News had covered the Florida recount objectively, instead of taking its marching orders from James Baker and Bush’s cousin at FOX News …

If ABC News had accurately portrayed the pre-9/11 months of the Bush Administration as the most incompetent, disastrous first year of a president since at least Warren Harding …

If ABC News had remained a responsible independent news gatherer instead of a flag-lapel-pin wearing cheerleader after 9/11 …

If ABC News had exposed the Rove/Bush slash-and-burn/destroy-your-political-opponents-at-all-costs-with-putrid-lies tactics of the 2002 election that returned a GOP majority to the U.S. Senate …

If ABC News had accurately portrayed George Bush as a malicious divider not uniter for his entire presidency …

If ABC News had put the Senate ruckus over George Bush’s incompetent/racist judicial nominees in the context of the scores upon scores of moderate (minority) Clinton nominees who were derailed by racist GOP senators in the previous decade instead of covering the Bush nominations as some evil Democratic conspiracy of obstruction and petty spite …

If ABC News had covered the run-up to George Bush’s manufactured war by actually examining the false evidence and straw man arguments presented by Mr. High Crimes and Misdemeanors to the American people and Congress …

If ABC News had covered the run up to George Bush’s manufactured war by giving equal time to critics of Mr. High Crimes and Misdemeanors’ war policy (instead of the 90+% air time given to supporters of the rush to war) …

If ABC News had fully and extensively covered the mass of lies, cover-ups, corruption and bad judgment that were the modus operandi of both the war and the “reconstruction” …

IF ABC News had insisted on holding Colin Powell accountable for his lies before the UN instead of giving him a free pass on his campaign of lies and deception …

If ABC News had refused to cover George Bush’s manufactured, phony campaign events in ’04 as real news events …

If ABC News had refused to allow itself to be manipulated by Rove and George Bush’s wealthy Texas fiends by giving any credence at all to the Swift Boat Liars and the campaign of untruths …

If ABC News had refused to be a mouthpiece for the Bush Campaign’s spin of the day every day in ’04 …

… Then, maybe, just maybe, Bob Woodruff never would have been in Iraq this weekend and would not currently be on a plane back to the U.S. with a part of his brain still lying somewhere in Iraq.


ABC News has no one to blame but …"

Yes. I did. When the RLA and I signed our contract with the new storage company, we also entered to win a home theater sound system. Damn. They called me today to tell me to come get it. You all know how many movies I watch at home (all of them). And the RLA is a total, certifiable audiophile, and the son of another. He's got more speakers hooked up to the tv than I can count, no two pairs alike, and one pair was his father's Acoustic Research from the 60s.

This is just too cool.

True.

Because I:

a) bought a sweat suit

b) confronted my brother about his misbehavior and he admitted wrongdoing

c) did not have a martini Saturday or Sunday, although there was one waiting in the freezer

d) all of the above
And the answer is d.

But, just for the record, I bought the sweat suit because both pieces (hoodie and pants) were the same price as just a hoodie or just a pair of gym sweats. It's a lovely shade of teal. I also told the RLA that if I wore both parts at the same time anywhere other than to the gym, he had my full permission to divorce me, and I wouldn't contest it.

I'm wearing the hoodie now. I wore the sweat pants all day yesterday. I did change into my jeans for the grocery store run.

And another thing: the folks at Television Without Pity seem to have felt that my separated at birth: Osama and Santino — was somehow inappropriate and took down my post. This on a subject where not only did someone else say he was SAB from Rasputin, but linked to a photo of Rasputin's, uh... naughty bits in a jar of formaldehyde. And I hope that was a doctored photo. Or it was a horse named Rasputin. Ick.

Hmmph. No. A quick Google, and there it is, along with a story that seems to come from the Russian version of News of the Weird.

Stick a fork in me. I am done.

So, I'm at the gym this morning, worked out with Nic Cage, then climbed on the old Precor and while I was working up a sweat, watching the "news" on Fox, I had a sudden epiphany.


That's where he's hiding! Right under our noses.

But think on this a moment: they exhibit the same sort of megalomaniacal, supremely arrogant behavior; you just know Santino reeks of patchouli and onions, just like Osama. You've never seen them in the same place at the same time...

Coincidence, or something more sinister?