I am the Very Proud owner of a Daniel Franco t-shirt.

Don't hate me because I'm fabulous.



Or not.

I watched my two shows last night, and what a snooze fest THAT was.

First of all, the ANTM "Where Are They Now?" proved to me that even the most successful of the also-rans were eminently forgettable. I saw Yaya's Radio Shack ad at Christmas time, and didn't recognize her, but found the ad and that character annoying. Hmmmm. Maybe I recognized her on a cellular level?

Ann in black hair? Ick. Yoanna's too-short bangs? Also ick. Tocarra? Still cool. Kim? Still annoying. Lisa? Still fabulous.
Then we moved over to the penultimate Project Runway episode, and, ugh. All Santino, all the time, all redemption arc. I don't want that useless egomaniac redeemed, I want him to suffer for his hubris. Still, despite all Santino's protestations of really being a nice guy, and learning not to talk trash, and how he's just a scared, insecure little gay boy underneath all his bullying, there he was, thirty minutes later, talking shit about Dan and Chloe. (Her collection looked like a sofa... if Dan couldn't see what was wrong with his clothes, there was something wrong with Dan...)

I'm hoping that Tim's underwhelmed-ness regarding Daniel was merely a ploy to throw us off the scent of his winning, and not a big ass sign that Satano is going to go home with the gold. That would just be awful.

The final challenge of having to make one last piece seemed to be a cruel ploy to crush all of the designers souls, once and for all. And what was up with having to choose a dogsbody to work with out of the discarded designers? And why Diana?

I was thrilled to see Daniel snatch Nick away from Santino. (Again with the eye-rolling, Santino. Enough, already.) Tell me that he didn't choose Nick exactly for that reason: just so Santino couldn't. But I think that someone (ahem, Chloe) should have used Daniel Franco's tailoring skills.

Another question: did this happen before or after the taping of the reunion show? Why did they all diss Kara? And since Kara was the decoy, did she have to make a 13th garment, too?

BTW, I totally agreed with Tim about the "shop class" quality of Daniel V's purse handles. Yet another ick.

Still, all things being equal, I loved Daniel's collection (except for those wonky little tab thingies in the middle of the chests... which I suppose are his military details... whatever.) Santino's one starburst-pleated dress was beautiful (and no, my tongue did not shrivel up when I said that). And the comment that Chloe's line was very Balenciaga made me hate those enormo-sleeves just a little bit less.

So. Who will win? I'm still hoping for Daniel V, but getting worried that it may be Santino after all.

Ick.

If consistancy is the hobgobblin of little minds, then the editor I work with must be a fucking genius, because the bitch never copyproofs the same way twice. One week we're using en dashes in certain places and the next it's all about the em dash.

For six months, every time we use the word "noon" in a time (Noon - 2 p.m.) it's been capitalized. As of this morning, it isn't.

Grrrrrrrrr.

Here's yesterday's thoughts from my boss:

Why aren’t any Democrats raising this issue:

OK. So the White House says it is the height of injustice and racism to launch kneejerk attacks on the Dubai Ports deal because Dubai has been such a useful instrument in the so-called War on Terror.

Keeping in mind that this is a STATE-owned company, what assurances can Mr. High Crimes & Never-Been-Briefed offer that the government of the nation state of Dubai will always be a government pre-disposed to cooperate with the United States? It wasn’t too long ago, for example, that Iran was a sea of pro-U.S. tranquility/stability/oil in the Mideast and Lebanon was the “Switzerland of the Mideast.” But I think those descriptions, in the words of the Nixon White House, might no longer be operative. Can you imagine what a fix we’d be in if Nixon had sold a half-dozen U.S. ports to the Shah of Iran in 1972? Two generations ago, Yemen was a conservative pro-Western mini-state. Then it became one of the most radical regimes in the world. Now it is struggling to regain its footing and rejoin with the Western World. Libya is pointed to with great pride by the boosh neo-cons as proof of the success of their war of aggression on an Islamo-fascism that is partly of their own making. But who’s to say the Qadaffi will not fall victim next month or next year to a young, radical firebrand of a colonel … somebody exactly like the M. Qadaffi of 35 years ago. Things change. All over. Particularly in such a volatile region of the world as Jim Baker’s Mideast.

So maybe Dubai is the United States’ greatest, strongest, most reliable ally in the world today. In that part of the world, that’s zero guarantee that tomorrow that state couldn’t be the second coming of the Taliban.

And, of by the way, our great and good and cooperative friend Yemen just recently stood by and allowed several dozen Al Qaeda operatives to escape from a local prison. Sure makes me feel good about turning our port security over to a country who’s greatest claim to fame is that Michael Jackson has decamped there.
In other news, I have found a reason to love Richard Gere, something I never thought I would say in my lifetime. But the quotes that have been circulating after his acceptance of the Hasty Pudding Award, have finally won me over. If you haven't seen it yet, here it is:

"I'm asking why I said yes to this," Gere said of the student roast. "'Cause we're all bozos on the bus. All of us, and especially in this world and in this country right now, the biggest bozo on the bus is actually driving the bus."

The emphasis is mine. But who would have ever thought that the man who is the Dalai Lama's BFF would be quoting Firesign Theater. I may just have to swoon a little here over that.

Finally, to round out my reasons to live today, tonight we get to see the great and glorious Tim Gunn visit the finalists of Project Runway in their natural habitats. Maybe, though, natural isn't a word to use with that useless asshat Santino... And as if that isn't enough to keep me on the couch tonight, it is also the ANTM "Where Are They and What the Fuck Are They Doing Now" show, prior to next week's season 6 opener.

Fuzzy bathrobe, bunny slippers and a jug o' plonk and I am good for the night.

I have written a summary of the Project Runway Reunion Show twice. The first time the window crashed after about five paragraphs. It just crashed again after I had discoursed on everyone but the final three.

Fuck it. Let's make it short and sweet. Trust me when I say this was a lot funnier in long form.

Lupe was out of control on some kind of heavy drugs. I have a rule that I live by, and that is this: There are two types of drugs in the world. The first treat or cure diseases. The second are for recreational use. Never mix up the two. Lupe clearly did that and then some. Intervention required.

Zulema has an alter-ego? Puh-leeze. That's for comic books and Disassociative Personality Disorder. And frankly, Tshangi was a bitch and a ho, and in no way discernable from Zulema.

Santino is a big asshat. He's always been an overbearing, abusive, bullying asshat, and he always will be. Like most bullies, he's also a coward, refusing to own up to his behaviour. Furthermore, he is a talentless blow hard and I find it hard to believe that anyone, male or female has sex with him willingly.

Daniel Franco was either edited unfairly or Heidi needs to pull a restraining order on him ASAP. I tend to believe the former. I also believe that the weird look in his eyes (always) is due more to being extremely myopic and wearing contacts than anything more sinister.

Andrae needs his own Project Andrae. Or the montage of him and the revolving door needs to go on the Viral Video site for downloading. Also? He was robbed on the "Inspiration" challenge.

Kara Janx wuz robbed during any number of challenges, but especially on the Garden Party challenge and the makeover challenge.

Diana is cute, was cute and had on a scarf that I'm sure she knit herself, seeing as it was as much there as it wasn't and her use of negative space was her greatest strength and singular vision.

If I can remember half of what I said in either of my other entries, maybe I'll amend this one. Or not.

OK. Item the first. Many thanks to RJ for stepping in to be my emergency backup during my surgery. I was rescheduled (without my knowledge) for 3 hours earlier than I had planned, so the RLA was supposed to be in class, and couldn't get a substitute.

If you ever have to sit around and wait for surgery, RJ is your girl. We were having quite the yocks before they came in to sedate me. After? Maybe we continued to have the yocks, but you can't prove it by me.

My reaction to sedation is this: Oh! I think I feel it startizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Part of the cocktail they gave me was sodium pentathol, known to all movie watchers as "truth serum". What truths did I reveal under the influence of this powerful drug? That I wanted to go out for sushi.
This actually came as quite a shock to me, because I quit eating the raw stuff after my housekeeper's son developed brain worms as a result of sushi. Now, I'd like to think, in my effete snobish way, that we eat at different sushi bars, but a brain worm is a brain worm is a brain worm (take THAT Gertrude Stein) and so I quit. Cold tuna, if you will.

Another thing that RJ and I found infinitly amusing was that in addition to drawing a big blue circle on my tushie where he thought the lump would be found, the surgeon felt it necessary to also write "YES" in big indelible letters next to said circle.

I believe that this is testament to the fineness of my white ass, but RJ says that it's just an extra precaution against cutting the wrong side. Like they all kept saying to each other "not the tatoo side" but I suppose that YES and a big blue circle help. Still, it's my fine white ass, and it's indelible ink, and so who is to debate with me about why the YES is there.

Item the second is for my readers in California. Larry Cafiero, a fellow traveler from my salad days is running for office in your state. Here is his website. Vote for him. He's really a fine fellow, loves children and cats, and has more common sense in his little finger than most politicians have in their entire bodies. This, of course, bodes badly for his career in politics.

Item the third. Are they fucking kidding me?

Item the last in this list. Tonight is the reunion show for Project Runway. Oh, the blissful bitchiness of the dishing. Can my heart take it?