How many members of the Bush Administration are needed to change a light bulb?
The answer is: 10

1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed
2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed
3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb
4. One to tell the nations of the world that they are either "for" changing the light bulb or "for" darkness
5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Haliburton for the new light bulb
6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner: "Lightbulb Change Accomplished"
7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how Bush was literally in the dark
8. One to viciously smear #7
9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along,
10. And finally, one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.

Brilliant! And a tip of the pink shoes to RJ, for sending me the joke.

For whatever reason, I woke up this morning in a great mood. Maybe the endorfins are still pumped from last night at the gym with my trainer, Nic Cage.

Maybe it was the cool, moist air, a harbinger of fall. Maybe it was the sausage biscuit hidden in my knitting bag as I rode the train.

Or maybe it was the random playlist that the l'il pink i-pod produced.
1. Fruitcakes, Jimmy Buffett
2. Summer Days, Bob Dylan
3. Scar Tissue, The Red Hot Chili Peppers
4. Don't Fence Me In, David Byrne (From Red, Hot and Blue)
5. Is Anybody Goin' to San Antone, Doug Sahm
6. Prince Charming, Adam & the Ants
7. Girls Just Want to Have Fun, Cyndi Lauper
8. Because I Got High, Afroman

I couldn't have programmed that in a million years. Some sense or sensibility would have prevented me from mixing it up.

It's Friday, and today I'm going to research and write a white paper on targeted pop-up advertising for our web site, and content available for purchase. This will be the third time in six years that I've done it. The second time for the same guy. But this round, he seems to be winning control of the site, so maybe it isn't just wheel spinning.

Tomorrow, I'm going to begin work on my Halloween costume. The lovely RJ is hosting a fancy dress affair for the holiday, with an Alice In Wonderland theme. Come as a character from Through The Looking Glass or Alice. So I'm going to be a flamingo.

Oh, come on. She played croquet with the Red Queen, and they used flamingos as mallets and hedgehogs as balls. Don't you guys remember anything?

I had to pick up my college transcripts the other day, and in reviewing them, I discovered something I'd long forgotten: in my first semester, when I was living la vida loca and dropping classes and skipping classes and generally flunking out, I still managed to pull an A in deductive logic.

This despite the fact that I wasn't straight or sober for much of that first semester. University of Miami, 1972. Yeah, right. Like anyone there at that time was. But I digress.
I bring this up because all these years later, faulty logic still rings like a gong in my head whenever I hear it. Here's a sample:

A. The PR department says that our historic patient base doesn't use computers.

B. The PR department says that we shouldn't advertise our private doctors' office on the web because if they saw it, our historic (charity, non-paying) patient base would try to access care there.

If our "typical" patients don't have or use computers, then what difference does it make if we advertise a private patient office on the web? If we are attempting to attract more private pay patients to our health system (and in theory, these people do use/own computers) then why wouldn't we advertise our specialty office on the web?

See? Faulty logic. It just drives me crazy. And at this point, it isn't so much of a drive as a short putt.

I received an unsolicited e-mail the other day, and because it eventually gave me such pleasure, I give it now to you, in it's entirety.

From: .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)
Date: Sat, 16 Oct 2004 20:29:39 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: More False Documents

RatherGate proved that bloggers are the best fact checkers. That is
why we are writing to a few bloggers asking for help.

Yes Bush Can has collected several documents that are clearly suspect.

But we need your help to prove they are fake:
http://www.yesbushcan.com/falsedocs.shtml

Let's spring to action before these documents needlessly tarnish the
reputation of our Commander and Chief. You know the drill: analyze the handwriting, search for factual errors, and post your discoveries.

And keep us posted by sending email to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).

Thanks in advance for your help.

YesBushCan
Oh, gentle readers, you just know where this is going, don't you?

Here is my reply, in its entirety.

No Bush Can't. Lying sack of shit. Please remove me from your
mailing list, as I am a Yellow Dog Democrat, and an Anybody But
Bush supporter. Lying sack of cowardly, stupid, bigoted, bought
and paid for by the devil, shit. I will never vote for George W.
Bush, nor for Jeb Bush, nor for any other member of that
corrupt, stinking family.

For what ever reason, they have not chosen to reply. But then, to my complete satisfaction, they haven't asked for my help again, either.

Yeah, so you know how I feel about politics. Time to rant about something else for a while, I think.

Today I'd like to talk about this article. An artist was commissioned to create a mural for a library in California. The concept was enlightenment. The artist is a former school teacher here in Florida. The finished mural contains 11 misspelled names, including Shakespeare, Van Gogh and Einstein.

The artist is furious with the public for focusing on the mistakes, and not the big picture, which, she says, is that if you follow the words into the library, you can learn something.

Huh? A mural advertising enlightenment and education has eleven mistakes (a mural, I need to remind you, that was produced by a former school teacher) and the public (who paid for that artwork) is supposed to just say: OK. Kewl.?

I just want to bitch slap that woman into next week. And I can't even tell you what makes me crazier: that she can't spell, that she didn't even think to look up the names if she wasn't sure of the spelling, that she thinks her mistakes are negligable, that she is so arrogant in her ignorance, or that her whole attitude buys into the popular myth that artists are inferior intellectually.

Mistakes don't matter? I shouldn't have to correct them, because someone else should have seen them? (Well, she has a point there, someone should have seen them, but that doesn't relieve her of her own responsibility.) The point isn't about spelling, but about art?

Am I the last person in America with a sense of pride in my work?

Lying sack of shit. Lying sack of shit. Evasive, lying sack of shit. Smirking, evasive, stupid, lying sack of shit. And there are people in this country with the right to vote who are stupid enough to believe his lies, and not notice the shit.

But let me tell you how I really feel.
Lying, thieving, smirking, squinty-eyed, orange-colored, evasive, fundamentalist, cocksucking, did I mention lying?, cold-blooded,sociopathic lying sack of good for nothing shit.

A "culture of life"? when he'e sending our youth to Iraq and Afganistan to die? For oil? For his fucking friends and patrons' millions?

I hates him, my precious.