The Girl Cousin sent me a link, and I was so smitten with what I saw that I wrote to the site owner and asked if I could embed a copy of one of their movies on this site. She was very gracious about saying yes.

It is with great pleasure that I present to you the work of vidlit.com, and their new featured book, Yiddish with George and Laura.

I have said it before, peoples, and I will say it again.

I AM the Geek Goddess. Bow down to my mad skillz.

I fixed the POS Dell before the guys from IT ever got their lazy asses up to my office. Can you say "just needed a new cable?"

I thought you could. Excuse me, but I now have work to do and the means to do it.

By the way, I finished another three quilt tops this week, and am sending out four to my sistergirl for quilting. Stay tuned, because by Halloween, I expect to have the sales area of this site open.

So. My office pc has been off-line since mid-day Friday. Repeated calls to the help desk have gone unanswered. I am only able to get to my office e-mail by virtue of this little e-mac crammed into a spare corner of my work cubicle going through the exchange server.

My boss isn't getting any external e-mail, because it's all bottle-necking in the spam filter. He isn't getting any service from the help desk, either.

My personal e-mail seems to be stuck in some back alley of the internets, and isn't opening either.

The only comments I'm getting on this blog are spam.

I am a very unhappy camper today.

Have I ever mentioned how much I hate computers? Specifically non-Mac computers? The POS Dell on my office desk, for example, running some antiquated version of Windoze has been cutting the network connection on and off like it's trying to make a strobe light effect.

Well, you get what I mean. What I mean is that I CAN'T DO ANY FUCKING WORK because every time I try to do something like, oh, say, send a mailing list to the printer for labels, the network connection is down. Or maybe place an urgent order to our warehouse for print materials. I enter all the billing and shipping information, hit the send order button, and.... internet site not found comes up in the frame where it should tell me that my order is being processed.

All. Freaking. Day.

And I am so in the weeds, this week. Paper shuffling has never been so hard or so demanding. But they are building a wall of paper around my cubicle. Boxes of things that need to be stuffed into interoffice envelopes and shuffled off to other parts of the corporation. Boxes of papers that need to be inserted into other papers that are currently in other boxes and the finished compiled papers need to be sent out into the bowels of the building, one on every desk.

Grrrr. I cannot wait to get home and pet the doggies.

Reunion Show! Yeah! The prodigals return and we learn that:

1.) Angela is wearing a stupid purple necktie made of....wait for it....
Signature Angela Fleurchons!!!!

We also learn that:

2.) Laura has more than black and white in her closet: she also has red, and it looks fabulously glamorous on her.

3.) Robert is still boring

4.) Vincent is still insane

5.) Michael got braces, and now he's going to be cuter than ever. He was also the fan favorite (Shocked! I'm shocked to learn this.)

6.) Jeffrey-the-Pinheaded-Shmoo is still an arrogant ass hole and he never apologized to Angela's mother for being an abusive dick head to her. (Shocked! I'm shocked to learn this.) JTPS is still a nasty excuse for a human being, no matter how hard they try to give him a redemption arc.

Other things we learn are that Kayne and Angela are still utterly clueless as to why they lost. Angela asked NinaGarcia if her back story in the doggie challenge had been different, would she still have been so harshly critiqued. NinaGarcia, Michael Kors and Heidi all choked and tried to explain that ugly hootchie momma is ugly hootchie momma whether you are a camp councillor at Jubilee Jumbles or working 8th Avenue behind Times Square. (Well. That may have dated me. That particular section of Manhattan may be very nice now. But you get the general tenor of their replies.) Kayne asked if he'd used different fabric in his couture challenge, if he'd not been auf'ed. Except for the reference to hootchie momma, pretty much the same answer. To paraphrase the noted fashion critic Gertrude Stein, an ugly design is an ugly design is an ugly design.

Bradley cleans up nicely. (Shocked! I'm shocked to learn this.)

In other news, Keith thinks that he was set up by the producers, because HIS contract apparently didn't have the same language about design and pattern books that all the other designers had in their contracts. At least he never read it. Keith Malfoy can also do the Manson lamps. Keith also claims that the whole brouhaha over his leaving the set without leave was bogus because one of the production assistants told him it was ok. Actually, what he said was that he complained about the brouhaha to one of the PAs and they showed him where the door was. Which, if you think about it, probably did happen. As in, Dude, you are such an unmitigated ass, there's the door and don't let it hit you on the way out.

We discover that half the time the designers don't know what Tim Gunn is talking about because they only have visual vocabularies, and don't understand words of more than three syllables. Pity that, because part of what makes Tim Gunn the sexiest man on the planet is that he CAN use those words correctly.

Heidi and Laura are both hugely pregnant and took pot shots at the size of each other's bellies. Trust me when I say that the exchange was much cuter than it sounds. Laura does not own a pair of blue jeans. Tim Gunn does. Laura wears jodphers and riding boots when she goes casual. We saw that during the dog challenge and the garbage challenge and I made snarky comments about it then. But, remember, this is Laura, who came to the Atlas with matching Louis Vuitton cases. Sigh. She's my idol. In the previews we see her say, as she leaves the Atlas to prepare her show: "Oh, I've already produced a line of kids, I ought to be able to produce a line of clothes." Bwahahahaha. Oh. Laura. Will you be my BFF?

That was pretty much it. Nina Garcia's legs look better when she's sitting. Michael Kors needs to lay off the self-tanner, because he's starting to look like Jay Manuel AKA Little Orange Man from ANTM.

Next week we see Tim Gunn visit the designers in their natural (or in the case of Jeffrey-the-Pinheaded-Shmoo, UNnatural) habitats. Laura points out that of the four designers, JTPS is the only one with not so much as a button left to sew on when he gets back to NYC for fashion week. He is also the only one from all three seasons to make that claim. There will be drama! There will be nastiness! There will be cat fighting? Maybe? Please? Will Laura take her perfectly manicured little hand and slap the ugly right off of him? One can only hope.

It's Week Three with the bitches and the hos over at ANTM, and that means RUNWAY training with the ever-draggier Miss Jay. It was also the week that made me ask more questions (other than, tell me why, again, do I watch this train wreck?) than any previous season. So, why do I watch?
1.) Because it IS a train wreck
2.) Because Miss Jay just keeps getting draggier
3.) Because Mr. Jay just keeps getting orangier and bitchier and I hope he'll finally slap someone
4.) All of the above and

HOW, after seven seasons, can they still find girls who want to be runway models and yet have never learned how to walk in high heels? I'm not talking the Wind In Your Hair, I Am Camille And THIS is My Signature Horse Stomp. I'm talking a pair of stillettos. I'm talking your run of the mill Payless pumps. I mean, people, come on. Shouldn't you somehow be in training if you are going to apply to ANTM? It's not like you don't know the high heels are coming, after all.

But stumble they do, as they first try to walk a tightrope in the (literal) dark and then trot over cobblestone in the figurative dark as they don evening wear, spike heels and Mardi Gras masks the next day.

How sad a statement about me is it that I actually can see some validity to the exercise of a tightrope? I mean, it forces you to put one foot in front of the other (as opposed to the pigeon toes and duck walks of some of the contestants natural gaits), it forces you to have good posture and to look straight ahead instead of at your feet. Why in the dark? Who knows. Good video, maybe.

The next morning, after making some completely idiotic guesses about what the Tyra Mail meant (something about toeing a line and they're all like "OOOH, ooh, I know. It means we have to design our own clothing) they head out to a random location with uneven, but highly photogenic, cobblestones and are asked to walk a straight line (which has been indicated with duct tape). Our guest star walker is Bree from some previous season (frankly they are all starting to blur together for me, and, I think, for the judges and staff). I remember she was particularly annoying, and I don't remember her walk as being anything special, but I guess she was available. Hmmm. Top model, anyone? Anyone?

AJ proves to be the most adept at putting one foot in front of the other, and wins the challenge. The prize is actually very cool: she and two friends get to walk in a charity fashion show in Austin, Texas. But not just any old charity fashion show, the Dennis Quaid (aka ex Mr. Meg Ryan, and former total hottie if you are old enough to remember The Big Easy or the video he did with the always fabulous Miss Bonnie Raitt) old charity fashion show. AJ also proves to be a bitch in a good way when she picks Caridee and Megg (ROCK & ROLL!!!! head bang, hair toss) and not the totally begging to be picked Brooke, who was very unhappy not to get a free fly in to her home town. Meh. They were there for less than 24 hours and all looked like a hot mess when they got back.

Note to Caridee: a straw cowboy hat you buy in the airport is not a good look, ever. Not even a good souvenir. Please, buy the stuffed armadillo, it's much hipper.

Next up is the photo shoot, and the Tyra Mail hint is something about walking the plank. You guessed it, the B&Hs all think they are going to have to dress like pirates.

Do they put stupid in the gumballs and the water? Dress like pirates? After a week of runway practice, they don't think it has anything to do with walking on wood? In point of fact, it has to do with walking on a floating dock over a pool. I really must be doing too many martinis, because, again, I think this was a great shoot. And reality based, except for the part where the dock isn't anchored, and if they don't walk a perfectly straight line down the middle, the dock tips and they can (and Eugena does) fall into the pool. Which was also kind of cool, only I was sorry that it wasn't Moooonique. No. Really. I have seen a runway over a pool, here in Miami a few years ago at a fashion show for White Party Week.

Why wasn't it Moooonique in the drink? Well, because Moooonique was sick. Too sick to do the shoot. Not too sick to figure out ways to disgust the hell out of her fellow hamsters and the viewers, but sick. And if her girlyparts are producing fluids that stink and/or are disgusting enough even to her to be useful as a hate trick, then maybe she has something other than dehydration going on. I'm just saying. I'm also just saying, who the fuck thinks of doing shit like wiping their dirty underwear on someone else? Right. A child of God and a Princess of the Throne. I'm starting to think that Moooonique's momma was talking about the throne found in the back yard in certain areas of the developing world, and inside in houses with running water, if you get my drift.

Anyway, there is much sturm und drang, there is some amazingly good photography, there is a lame "walk with a bowl of fruit on your head" challenge in front of the judges (and AJ nails it again, and is starting to grow on me) and then, in judging there is the absolutely best thing ever on ANTM. I mean better than Darth Jader getting told she didn't know shit, better than the Italian designer asking Camille what the fuck was she walking like that for? Better than anything ever, and if I can't find it and download it off of YouTube, I just don't know what I'm going to do.

I'm talking about so amazing and funny it was worth putting up with Megg (ROCK & ROLL!!!!! head bang, hair toss). I'm talking about the impromptu gospel choir of Miss Jay, Tyra, Nigel and, yes, Miss Twiggy, as they sing about Moooonique don't want to be here no mo' no mo'. It was jaw-droppingly hilarious.

For the record, long after she was a super model, Miss Twiggy was a song and dance star and I saw her on Broadway starring with Tommy Tune in something involving a lot of tap dancing, and she was good. Held her own with T. Tune, even. The Boyfriend? Whatever.

The bottom line? Moooonique and her nasty juices got sent home, much to the relief of the bitches, the hos and all of us at home. At least Lisa took great shots, and had the "decency" to pee in a diaper and did not then stuff it in someone's bed.

Good times, people. Good times. Next week? I don't remember, but I'm sure it will include more stupidity.